I forgot about the TV stuff

My title yesterday said I was going to talk about TV, and then I didn't. See, I'm a failure!

Anyway, I'm way behind on TV viewing for this year. S doesn't really watch TV -- he didn't grow up on it the way that I did, and doesn't really understand that it's my stress relief at the end of a long day. I can get him to sit and watch certain shows with me, like "House" and "SVU," but you can't start someone on "Fringe" 3 seasons in, and he'd never go for shows like "Grey's Anatomy" or "Desperate Housewives." On top of that, there were the Jewish Holidays and my boards that ate up a lot of my time, and my Masters classes that go til late 4 nights a week, and I'm always playing catch-up with my DVR. So I stopped taping the shows that were On-Demand -- namely the ones that are on NBC and CBS.

But then I never got around to watching them On Demand, and it turns out they only keep 2 episodes. And Hulu only keeps 5 -- and somehow I'm 10 episodes behind. Big problem for shows that I've loved for years -- "Chuck," "30 Rock," "The Office," and new favorites like "The Good Wife" and "Parenthood." I'm not sure how legal it is, but I subscribed to Graboid and watched 4 episodes of "Chuck" last week when I was sick for a day.

The only new show this season that I've watched is "The Event," which S and I have watched together because I thought it would be fun to have a show to watch together -- but we are about 5 weeks behind, mainly because neither of us are aching to watch it ever. We put it on out of boredom. Does anyone else watch that?

What I think is important here -- if you can read between the lines -- is that all my life, TV has been extremely important to me. Like, don't talk to me, I'm watching my shows. And since meeting S, it's seriously fallen to the wayside. I'd rather spend time with him than watching TV, and maybe it's because now I have a dining table, but we don't even usually eat in front of the TV. When I'm really tired, I'll tell him we are ordering in dinner and eating in front of the TV. And when I'm stressed out, I'll tell him I need a night of catching up and he can either watch my shows with me or leave me to it. But there's a reason that my DVR is 100% full all the time!

But here are my grades: "Grey's Anatomy" and "Private Practice" have been far better this season than the past couple years. Loving them. "Glee" is amazing. I watch those shows each week and don't usually fall behind on them. "Desperate Housewives" is silly but I keep watching anyway. "House" is going to have to find a way to make Huddy interesting before I want to stop watching. "Fringe" is fascinating and she deserves an Emmy for playing both Olivias so well. "Bones" is as entertaining a ever. "SVU" never changes. "The Event" better be more interesting in the spring, if I can remember to come back to it after a 3 month hiatus. The 4 episodes of "Chuck" that I watched were great, and I am looking forward to catching up on the rest. What do y'all think? Am I missing any other great new shows?? I will say that I severely miss "Lost," and "24." Nothing comes close to replacing them.

Movie Reviews (and some TV)

It's been awhile since I've talked about movies, but since I've seen 3 in the past 10 days, I thought it was time to do a little reviewing. Let me know your thoughts.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, Part 1: IMAX
Got to see this with my mom, sister, and S in the IMAX theater in B'ham (which is huge, and domed -- the latter kind of made the distortion a bit strange, however). The movie was incredible. I'm kinda glad they ended up making two movies, since they stuck to the book so closely -- would have been a shame to have cut out half the story to have kept it at one film, even though they are going to make oodles and oodles of money this way.

It's amazing to watch the actors grow up like we have, isn' t it? Go back and watch the first film (it'll be on TV a lot this month as part of ABC's "25 days of Xmas"). You really feel like they've matured -- just like Harry, Ron, and Hermione should have done. In this film, you really feel like they are finally THERE, finally ready to take on the true challenges facing them. The emotions were brutal, but honest.
S had never seen (or read) any of the HP movies before. I had him read the Sparknotes on the first 5 books, then we watched the 6th film on the way to B'ham before seeing this movie. Now he's hooked -- maybe I'll be able to get him to read the books, if I can tear him away from him law books. But certainly it won't be a problem to get him to see the last movie with me! I can't wait for it to come out. And in 3D! I'll probably have to see it both ways.
My grade: A- (the minus is only for making me wait 6 months for the next part, good thing I know how it ends)

Love and Other Drugs
The story of a pharmaceutical rep, and the girl with Parkinson's that he loves. Sounds kinda boring when you put it that way, doesn't it? Way more entertaining than that, but only because it's set in 1997/1998, right when Viagra came out, and said pharmaceutical rep was barely making it until he got to sell the magical blue pill. And that girl was anti-love until she fell in love with the guy who was just a player until he also fell in love.

Kind of a cliched love-story, but done very well. Anne Hathaway is fabulous in it, and Jake Gyllenhaal looks great naked (well, mostly naked). I personally thought the stuff with the Big Pharma was pretty funny, but only b/c in recent years it's all changed and they aren't allowed to just give out free pens/umbrellas/lunches/trips to Hawaii anymore, so it was fun to watch them teaching the reps the ways to the doctors' hearts by doing all those things.
My grade: B+

How Do You Know
We got to see a screening of this new movie (with Reese Witherspoon, Paul Rudd, and Jack Nicholson) last night. It's the one where she's a softball player who loses her spot on the USA team, he's some kind of financial person who's being indicted by the justice system, and Owen Wilson plays the baseball player boyfriend she shouldn't be dating. (They do screenings for the press, and then try to fill up the seats so that people are laughing and booing at the right times, so it was free, yay!)

You can probably guess the storyline. Which is the worst part. The other bad parts are that they never really explain the indictment stuff (what he did wrong, or didn't do wrong; I think they don't want you to get bogged down in the details but the vagueness of it was driving me crazy). They also keep hinting at this idea that she's supposed to be depressed for losing her position on the team, but never show you that she's trying to do something else or that she's actually depressed in any way. So that was also extremely vague.

However, the relationships b/w Reese's character and both Paul's and Owen's characters were fabulous, funny and cute and likeable. Overall, it was a cute movie, and if you are looking for a fun romantic comedy then I'd recommend it.
My grade: B-

I'm a failure at blogging

But a success at so many other things! Well, maybe not right now. Right now, I'm also a failure at keeping up with many of my TV shows (I've managed to make it to November on my DVR, but only because I stopped recording shows I thought would be available On Demand. Except that it turns out that CBS and NBC only keep 2 episodes On Demand, and only 5 most recent episodes on Hulu, and I'm about 10 episodes behind on 5 or 6 important shows. Damn it!). And pretty much a failure at being a research fellow, b/c it's December and I haven't really done any research. Or even gotten trained for the IRB yet. By the end of next week I have to turn in a full protocol for my project -- a model, with methods, etc. Gross. But I did manage to complete my courses, although I have one more online-final to take, and my grades aren't back yet. And still waiting on my score for my Pediatrics boards.....

However, I am a very successful girlfriend! Things with S are going very well. I guess my blog has just become very boring, and for that I'm very sorry! He came home to Alabama for Thanksgiving and had such a great time, he didn't want to leave. He's ready to move there (but I'm not. Not even close. So don't get any ideas). He loves my family, all of them. Even the crazy ones. The only not great part happened when I got upset after we missed our connection and they had rebooked me on the next flight but not him (they had booked him on two more connections) -- he didn't like that I was upset instead of just "going with the flow," the way he is. When I finally explained WHY I had gotten upset -- that the guy on the phone had been rude to me, and that I felt like I should have called originally when I knew our flight from NYC was delayed, and was stupid for not listening to my Mom when she told me to call and didn't want her to say "told you so" -- he was understanding, and we had a good conversation about our different personalities when things like that happen. In the end, I gave up my seat on the flight I had been rebooked on in order to be fly with him on his TWO more flights -- and then we were another 2 hours delayed from Atlanta, so we traveled for 14 hours instead of 6. I must really truly like this guy!!

Next week I'm doing something I've never done before -- going on a vacation with my boyfriend. I've traveled with boyfriends before -- to see family, or with family. But never ONLY with a boyfriend. We are going on a cruise to the Caribbean -- it was an amazingly cheap deal, and we are both so excited (he's never been on a cruise before!). We are also going to meet the rest of the parents on either end, since we are going out of Ft. Lauderdale/Miami. We are doing some pretty active excursions (a waterfall hike, snuba, and another hike/snorkel trip), but I've warned him that the days at sea may require some down-time by the pool, and that we don't have to spend every minute with each other -- if he wants to go do something else (since there are so many activities on this ship!), he can. We'll see what happens, I'm guessing he just comes and sits next to me at the pool until I agree to go do something with him. Either way, it's going to be so much fun!!

Family Matters

A few weeks ago, S met my first family members -- my uncle J and aunt G, who had come into town and invited me out to dinner (several months ago!). We had a fabulous time, S LOVED them and they apparently really liked them too b/c they called my Mom right away to tell her how great he was! But that was only the warm-up, because tonight he is going to meet my Mom. He told me last night that he wasn't nervous about it, but I'm not sure if that's true or not. Should he be? (One of my friends said that he's nervous FOR S, which I think is super cute.) But then he is coming home to Birmingham with me in a couple weeks for Thanksgiving and is going to meet the whole Mishpachah -- my sister, my grandparents, the cousins.

Meanwhile, I met one of his brothers, and uncle/aunt, and some cousins a couple weeks ago. I still haven't met his Dad yet (and both his Mom and my father live in South Florida, but we are hopefully going to plan a trip there soon together). I had fun with his family, and they all gave me the seal of approval. But it's very different -- I'm super close to my family. Sample conversation with my Mom: "We haven't talked in 3 days." "No, we talked on Friday." "Right, today's Sunday. So Friday, Saturday, Sunday, that's 3 days! Are you ignoring your Mother?" He isn't close with anyone in his family -- in fact, he talks to his Mom once every couple weeks, and although he's one of 6 siblings, he doesn't talk to any of them on a regular basis (I talk to my sister several times a week). But I get the feeling that he's jealous of my family, and eager to be a part of it. Rather than turned off and scared by it, which is a super plus!!

Meanwhile, I just got back from a trip to Ft. Lauderdale, where I got to spend time with my TWO sisters -- my older (and much wiser) sister, and my 2 year-old half-sister. Yup, you read that correctly. My dad has a 2 year-old, and recently married the baby's mother, so my older sister and I went down for the weekend to spend time with them. The baby is incredibly adorable, and smart (she clearly has our genes), and it was a fun weekend. Although when we took her trick-or-treating in the mall, and I was walking around with her, the kiosk people we went up to for candy thought that I was her Mom and not her sister (but oh well, wouldn't you assume the 30 year-old was the 2 year-old's Mom, too?).

So anyway, all of this is very exciting -- I think it signals how we are moving along in our relationship. My dad got to hear a lot about him while I was in Florida over the weekend and seems eager to meet him as well (and warned me that S will probably fall in love with B'ham, which does seem to be a possibility). I'm looking forward to this weekend with my Mom, I think they will get along, but looking forward to Thanksgiving even more. And then we are actually planning a vacation together in December!! So fun. :-D

Rebounding?

I had someone tell me recently that "it's not fair" that I was single for only a short time before finding S. Well, life isn't fair. Sorry. I got up, and moved on, and started dating again. And I went out on a bunch of first dates (and one weird group event), and then met S, and so far, things are happily ever after. So yeah, life sucks for people who are still single and I'm not. But you're right, it's not even been 7 months since J6 and I broke up, and I'm planning my future with someone else. I'm lucky.

I had someone else ask me if S was just a rebound guy. The answer is not at all. I think that J6 was actually my rebound guy. J5 broke my heart, and it took me a few months before I was ready to start dating again (in all honesty, I probably should have waited a little while longer, but I was ready to not be alone anymore). So I met J6, and he seemed nice, and he was willing to offer me companionship. And I settled for a lot of things that I shouldn't have settled for, in retrospect. Well hindsight is 20/20 -- and all my friends and family members apparently could see what I couldn't all along -- but he wasn't very nice or respectful to me all the time. He also didn't appreciate my career, or my family, or my political or religious views. He wanted me to choose to live where and how he wanted to live. He wanted me to put up with his crazy mom (who hated me, and thought I was the worst kind of spoiled JAP -- which I'm really not). And a lot of other things. And I put up with all of this for over 2 years. The actual decision to break-up was his, officially, b/c I had picked a deadline for a commitment that he wasn't ready to make. But within a couple days, I was fully accepting of the break-up and ready to move on. And when he showed up, begging for me to take him back, I was flabbergasted -- and the tables were turned. While standing in my apartment, asking for me back, he started telling me all the things that I should do better and differently. THAT'S how you win someone back?! I asked him what he expected, and he said he was expecting me to welcome him back with open arms. Funny, since while he was realizing how incredible I was and how stupid he was to leave, I had been realizing how incredible I was and how stupid I was to have stayed with him all that time. So I told him off, and that I didn't even want to stay friends. THAT was my rebound guy, I just wish I hadn't rebounded for 2+ years.

I couldn't have been in a healthier place when I met S. Not just for a relationship, I don't think, although it certainly helps to be fully healed from all prior relationships. I had finished my residency -- and while the board-studying was hard, it was nowhere near what residency hours were like. And I had chosen a fellowship that should, hopefully, be pointing me in the direction of a career path that I'm going to love -- and so far, I love most of what I'm doing in the fellowship itself. In addition, in the few months since J6, I had also expanded my horizons and made a lot of new friends in my community. I finally had a social life, I was going out and doing things with people other than the 6 friends I knew when I moved to NYC and the people I spent 80 hours a week with in the hospital. (People kept asking if I had just moved to the UWS, and I sometimes would answer "yes," since I basically didn't exist in this community for the 3 previous years I had lived here.) I had moved to a fabulous new apartment, and it makes a difference to come home to a place where you can turn around without bumping into yourself, and see the sky and the skyline and the trees. And I physically felt good -- headaches that I didn't know had been bothering me for some time until they went away, had gone away, and I had lost some weight that I'd gained during residency and just felt good about myself.

So S isn't, by any means, a rebound guy. He's just the right guy. :-D

Back to Real Life

The good news is that my boards are over. The bad news is that the test totally sucked, and instead of covering the material I knew really well, seemed to cover a LOT of the material I didn't know as well (endocrine, renal, electrolytes) and really stupid stuff (reducing medical errors, cultural differences, whether or not a 4 year old should be allowed to leave out PJ's for his imaginary friend!). And now I have to wait a few months for the results. But at least I don't have to study any more, and with any luck I'll never have to study for it again!!

Which means I can come back to my real life -- and back to blogging, which I've missed. Eh, real life -- I have a biostats midterm (a make-up, since the test was the same day as the boards), and a bioethics paper, both due this Monday -- and I'm call for the UES practice I cover once a month all weekend -- so I haven't really had time to recover yet. But you know what I mean. And my DVR is still hanging out around 95% full, plus I've deleted all the shows that are on-demand, which means I keep having to remind myself that I need to go watch those shows too. Sigh.

But about the boy....things are pretty amazing. Even with all the stress from my studying. It's been 2 1/2 months and I don't really know how things could be any better. He came pretty close to using the "L" word a couple weeks ago but got embarrassed, so didn't -- although when I asked him if he thought he was falling in love with me a few days later, he said "yes." He booked a flight to come home with me for Thanksgiving (and he's flying on my connecting flights instead of the direct flights he'd prefer, for the "fun and experience" of traveling with me). He got to meet some very important people in my life a few weeks ago when a close family friend got engaged and we went out to Brooklyn for the engagement party, and they loved him. And tonight he's meeting the first family members -- my aunt and uncle are in town and taking us out for dinner. This is after all my friends have judged him favorably, of course. And in 3 weeks, my Mom will be in town! This weekend I'll be meeting some of his family, also -- a family BBQ, and he's been putting his friends off until after my Boards, so that should also be around the corner.

We talk about everything. I know all his "secrets," including some not so great and wonderful things about his past that he isn't proud of, but he's working through in an honorable way. He knows all mine, including something that I never told J6 in 2+ years (it's not a bad thing, just something I never told him) -- and something else that when I told J6, he hated. S, meanwhile, couldn't have cared less about that -- he said it happened so long ago, when I was young and stupid, so who cared? We talk about our future (in a hypothetical sense), as in where we would want to live and raise children -- and how to raise children (like what kinds of schools -- public vs private -- etc), what kind of house we would want, our careers, etc. And while I was stressed and studying all the time, he was just there -- happy to order in or cook me dinner, also okay if I told him I couldn't see him b/c I needed to be alone and study, or that he could come over but I was going to sit on my couch and watch TV that night. Incredibly supportive and amazing.

So here's my question now -- when do I tell him about this blog? He's heard all the stories on it already, so that's not an issue, but he doesn't know that I've been talking about him all this time. Any thoughts??

What sorts of details?

My friend, LMG, told me she wanted more details about how good things with S are, other than me just stating that I'm in a great relationship. What kinds of details? Last week was the holiday of Succot. We both stayed in the city for the holiday, although none of our other friends did (I was on call over the weekend so needed to be here as of Friday night, and the holiday started Wednesday night and ran right into Shabbat).

So Wednesday night we ate a pre-paid dinner at a restaurant near my apartment, which was lovely and kind-of romantic. Thursday I got up and studied and then we both left early afternoon when I went to meet my board study group on the East Side, and then he met me over there that evening and we went to a dinner at a restaurant there hosted by the Chabad on the UES (where strangely I met the guy who taught me Hebrew in 3rd grade at the Jewish Day School in Alabama! But otherwise the event was full of people we wouldn't otherwise socialize with. However, a lovely walk home from York and E. 84th to Columbus and W. 97th). Friday he slept while I studied, then left after lunch but came back for Shabbos dinner. Saturday morning he left when I had to leave for the hospital (I had babies to go round on) -- and I specifically told him NOT to come over on Saturday night, since I had work to do, and TV to catch up on. Sunday morning I went to round on babies again, and had a patient to see in the office, and came home to do my biostatistics homework. We had planned to go out around 1pm, but I was still working on my homework. He came over around 2:30pm but I was still working, so he watched a football game until I was done -- and then we went down to Little Italy, where there was a street festival going on. It was so fun -- ate a chocolate covered cannoli, yum! And a great dinner, and then there was a concert of some Rat Pack impersonators. But huge points b/c it was something he had researched, and it got me out of the house even when I was tired, and it was different.

And do you see what happened here? We spent 4 out of 5 nights together -- with no other people around -- and it was so fun, and easy, and relaxed, and enjoyable. There was no TV on (except for that football game on Sunday), nothing else we were doing other than being with each other. Sometimes we were talking (or families, our pasts, our dreams, our goals, whatever -- anything and everything) -- or just chatting idly. And lots of laughing. But we are just so happy together -- never bored with each other. And then again, he came over Monday night -- but he knows that on Monday nights, we order in food and watch TV b/c I have super long days on Mondays and I'm too tired to do anything else. And he gets that. Which is pretty amazing.

I'm such a bad blogger!

Life's been busy, what can I say? Although I don't take overnight call anymore, which is amazing, my job has gotten very busy. I'm supposed to spend 30% of my time doing "clinical" work -- which means seeing patients or precepting residents -- but that means another few hours a week documenting my patient encounters, filling out school forms, preparing for the hours I spend teaching, sitting in staff meetings, helping residents with journal clubs, etc, etc. Then I'm also filling in for someone who's on maternity leave for our big conversion to an electronic medical record for the inpatient units, and that takes up anywhere from 6-26 more hours of my time a week (I keep track so I can get paid for it!). On top of THAT, I started classes this week for my Master's degree (because what pediatrician doesn't need another degree?!). And oh yeah, there's this tiny thing called my pediatric boards in only 31 days (!!!). Plus I was home in Alabama for 8 days last week. Don't even ask me when I'm actually getting any WORK done for what is supposed to be a RESEARCH fellowship.

If those things weren't enough to keep a gal busy, there's this tiny thing of having a wonderful new boyfriend with whom I wish I could spend all of my free time. Because -- let's face it -- the two of us could seriously spend hours upon hours together and be perfectly happy. We can just sit and talk, or hang out, or whatever. It's so great. Even when I was home and we would talk on the phone, we would actually TALK -- it's still well over an hour most nights when we don't see each other -- and it's not just "how was your day" kind of a thing. When I got back in town on Monday, I had classes until after 7pm and he was waiting for me in front my apartment building and came running up to see me -- and neither of us could stop smiling. Last night I was SOOOO exhausted from a long week (and not sleeping well for a few nights), so he cooked me dinner and I basically fell asleep on his lap on my couch watching bad TV. And he was fine with that as well. We've talked about the fact that things are kinda moving quickly -- and that while neither of us would usually go for that, we are both okay with it because if feels right. But we aren't rushing things by any means, just letting things move naturally.

I can't really describe to you how amazing I feel now compared to how I felt a year ago. Last year on Rosh Hashanah, I was with J6 -- at his house, with his Mom who hated my guts, and I knew I was unhappy with the situation but I kept trying to make it better. This year I was home with my family, which was great (I hadn't been home for R"H since the year of Hurricane Katrina). I'm in a great job, and I physically feel really good. I'm also very happy, and comfortable, and in a relationship with someone who make me feel so good about myself. I want to see him and talk to him and spend more time with him -- and get to know him, and his friends and his family, and everything like that.

So now that I hopefully won't have any entertaining dating stories to tell, what else would y'all like to hear about? I'll try to be a little better about blogging than I have been the past few weeks, but give me some suggestions. :-D

Where things stand

So in case you couldn't tell, things with S have been going really well. Spending time with him is so easy -- our conversations just flow, and we seem able to talk about anything (from our families, to funny childhood stories, to politics, to what we thought about the ending of "Inception," to our days at work, to how we feel about disciplining children -- seriously!). He is always making me smile, and laugh, and I'm very relaxed around him. And yes, there's certainly chemistry as well. I find myself incredibly honest with him, which is amazingly refreshing. And he's clearly sensitive to what makes me happy, and trying to figure out what makes me tick, and pays attention to everything that I say. It's just so nice to be around him.

The other night he asked if he could call me his girlfriend. And I told him that he could say whatever he wanted, but that it might take me some time to use the term "boyfriend" -- just because it might take me some time. So that while I'm not going to date anyone else, not to be surprised if he only hears me call him "the guy that I'm dating" or something along those lines. And he was fine with that. That was the end of the conversation. He's certainly not the pushy type, that's for sure!

He came over last night to cook me dinner (he cooked fish, I cooked the vegetables, and we both did the dishes together). He even remembered that I had broken a bottle of wine the other day and so brought over another bottle to drink with dinner -- what guy remembers things like that? He hasn't had a chance to meet any of my friends yet, and will be out of town this weekend (when I'm hosting an Emmy-watching party), but I'm hoping there will be a chance at some point in the near future. :-D

Here are some other things that I've found amusing or annoying over the past few days and upon which you may wish to comment:

-- If you want to suspend your profile on frumster, the options for the reason why are "engaged to someone I met through frumster," "engaged to someone I met not through frumster," or "other." Really? They expect you to stay on the site until you get engaged??? Why aren't the options "Dating someone I met through frumster," "dating someone met not through frumster," etc??! Why did I have to type that into the "other" field?? If someone stays an active member on the site until the moment they get engaged, I have a MAJOR problem with that person!!!

-- Someone at a meal I attended last week heard that someone else had gotten engaged (actually, she heard wrong, and it was someone else who had gotten engaged, but that's beside the point). That person then said, "Oh, how nice, she really deserves it, she's been on the west side for so long!" Okay, so this girl has been a single girl on the UWS for a long time, so SHE deserves to be engaged? Meaning that those of us who haven't been living on the UWS for as long as she has don't deserve to get engaged? What makes one person DESERVE to be engaged more than someone else? Don't we ALL deserve to find our Bashert and get engaged and be happy, etc, etc, etc?? I was seriously annoyed by that response. (And, btw, it was said by a single girl on the UWS.)

Bumping into J6

So I haven't responded to some earlier comments asking more about J6 and why I stayed with him as long as I did if he treated me so poorly. Namely, I think, it's because I didn't realize it. My friends did -- and they tell me that they tried to tell me during the relationship but that I just defended him. I was comfortable with him, too, and I guess there's a part of me that didn't want to be alone.

When we met, the first date was okay. He was easy to talk to, and I didn't have a reason to NOT go out with him on a 2nd date. So I did. And then I went out with him on a 3rd date. I wasn't super excited about him, but I never had a reason to NOT go out with him again. And eventually we had been dating for a few months, and he wanted a commitment from me, so I gave him one. And then it was six months, and then a year, and at 18 months we started looking at rings. But then we didn't get engaged, and still didn't get engaged, and eventually I gave him a deadline and he didn't meet it so we broke up.

Within a few days of the break-up, I realized how relieved I was to not be with him. And how relieved my friends and family were as well! I felt free, and happy. I was sad to be alone, but not sad to be without him. He actually showed up, begging for me back, and then started telling me all the things I could do to improve my relationship with his mother and to make things better with him and stuff and I was like "really? that's how you are going to win me back?" I've never been so glad to have someone out of my life. He asked if I thought there would ever be a chance of us getting back together and I said "No," and when he asked if we could be friends I said "No." I didn't want him around. I had already realized -- and yes, the realizations go on and on, 6 months later -- how poorly he had actually been treating me for all that time. And it was REALLY poorly!!

This past Saturday I spent most of Shabbos afternoon in the park. I was leaving, walking out with some friends, and went over to talk so some other friends who were sitting on a park bench. Standing near the end of the bench were two guys whom I didn't recognize -- and it took me a couple minutes to realize that one of them was J6. He had shaved his goatee (and looks about 15 years old) and was wearing shorts and a polo. Now understand that we'd been to the beach a couple times to visit my family and he never owned shorts, nor would he ever dress down on Shabbos, so it was weird to see him like that. He smiled and said "Hi," so I nodded at him. I stood and talked to my friends for a couple minutes (not talking to him or the girl they were standing next to), but then I decided I didn't even want to be around him so we just left. I didn't say good-bye or acknowledge him again at all.

It was weird to see him -- we haven't been in contact at all -- but weirder to see him on the UWS for Shabbos, with someone I didn't know, and dressed in such a different way when I had asked him so many times to be more casual on Shabbos afternoons and go to the park with me. But I was proud of myself for just walking away and not letting him engage me at all.

I'm kind of expecting him to try to contact me sometime before Yom Kippur (when it's traditional for Jews to ask people whom they've hurt in some way during the previous year for forgiveness). It's funny b/c I've only recently realized how much he had hurt me, but I have completely healed from him and I don't harbor any ill feelings toward him. If he's trying to improve himself and his life, that's good for him. I just don't want him involved in my life at all. I don't want him to be in my community or around my friends -- they are MY friends, and they all know what a jerk he was. Does that make sense?

When you ASSUME, you just make an ASS out of yourself

So to fill you in, I met R before I met S. First we had texted -- and he seemed very fun and smart and I was kinda excited to meet him. We went out for coffee/dessert 2 weeks ago on a Monday night and I had a very nice time with him. I wasn't sure if there was chemistry or not but I was more than willing to see him again. We both had plans the following evening and I was kinda surprised that I didn't hear from him for several days but didn't think too much of it. On Wednesday night I had my first date with S -- and he actually called me the next day to ask me out again. The day after that -- Friday -- I saw that R had actually sent me a text message on Wednesday but I didn't receive it til Friday. It was a one line message asking how the play was that I had seen Tuesday night (he did not specifically ask me out again or anything
like that). I did text him back on Friday and said that I had plans all weekend, which was true -- I went to the Jersey shore with friends on Sunday and got back quite late on Sunday night, and that we'd be in touch.

He texted me again on Sunday and I told him that I had plans Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights of this past week. All this was, again, true. Monday I had the 2nd date with S, Tuesday night I had a movie night with work colleagues and Wed. night was a book club meeting. I asked if R was free on Thursday night and he said he had to work late. Again, this was all via text. He never called to talk on the phone, and I never got his actual email address. After my (very fun) 2nd date with S on Monday night, he asked me out again for a 3rd date so we
made plans for Thursday since I was otherwise free. R and I said we'd talk over the weekend to try to find time early this week.

R apparently saw me out with S on Thursday night (what are the odds?). It was our 3rd date, and things were going very well, and we were holding hands. I guess he became very upset and must think that I lied to him somewhere along the line, but you'll see that I did no such thing. I met S AFTER my 1st date with R-- and it's not like we even discussed if we were seeing other people or not. S actively asked me out again, whereas R did nothing more than text me several days after we had coffee. I made plans with S AFTER R said he couldn't get together that night.

So yesterday, R sent me several fairly rude text messages. I deleted them so can't copy them verbatim, but it went something like this:

"Just checking that was you in Rockefeller Plaza train station Thursday night." (Sunday @ 10am)
"Yeah, it was, where were you?" (Me, many hours later, when I finally decided how to respond to his passive-agressiveness)
"Leaving work, u were holding hands with some dude, was that movies with colleagues or bookclub?"
"You were busy so I made alternate plans for the night."
"Well at the very least it's given me a good dinner story" (there was something else really rude that he said with this text but now I can't remember it -- he basically was calling me a slut, I think)
"Seriously? After one coffee date? I wasn't sure we were a good match but I thought you were nice and I was going to suggest a friend for you. Now, not so much. Good luck to you."
"I have a lot of things I'd like to say but going to take the high road here."

I stopped responding at that point. HE's going to take the high road? From where? What does he think I did wrong here?? We went out ONCE, 2 weeks ago, for coffee and cheesecake. We haven't even spoken on the phone, or planned a 2nd date. Is he out shopping for rings or something? Did I tell him I wasn't seeing other guys? Aren't we both on a dating website that allows us to have 3 open matches at a time? So can't you fairly assume that the other person might have 3 open matches at any given time?

Okay, I'm done ranting. During this text conversation, he went on the SYAS website and closed our match. Which I found fairly humorous. And no, I won't be suggesting that friend for him anymore. I did e-mail my matchmaker the entire story this morning, and I told her she should feel free to forward the email to him if she felt like he deserved more of an explanation but that it didn't matter to me.

Any thoughts? Anyone want to stand up for R's side of this?

Going Out on Proper Dates

NYC has many really nice kosher restaurants. It also has many mediocre kosher restaurants. I usually go to (or order delivery from) the latter. They are more affordable, and you can get a burger, or a chicken sandwich, or chinese food. I have been to the nice places very few times. In fact, I've been to each one once. With my Mom, when she's been in town (Thanks, Mom!), or when we've visited NYC before I moved here.

Now you may have noticed that I dated J#6 for over 2 years. He never once took me a nice Kosher restaurant. Not for our 1st anniversary. Not for my 30th birthday. Not for our 2nd anniversary. I took him to one of the NICER, but still on the cheaper side, places for his birthday. He took me the same place 6 months later for my birthday (but then nowhere special for the following, 30th, b'day). He did take me to a few kosher places in NJ when we first started dating -- he had a car, and lived there -- but the nicest one was a dairy pasta place. And one was barbeque, which was a treat, but nothing fancy. I never once dressed nicer than jeans. My Mom took us BOTH to a super fancy kosher place when she was in town once -- when a visiting chef was there (he had won Top Chef). It was amazing. But for the most part, we ordered chinese, or burgers. We very rarely even went out to those restaurants, it was mostly delivery to my apartment.

Tonight is my 3rd date with S. He's taking me to one of these fancy Kosher restaurants. And I am not going to be wearing jeans. Now you should know that he's NOT rich. In fact, he just quit his regular job to open up his own law office to help the under-served. So he doesn't even have a regular paycheck right now! But apparently he actually knows how to take someone out on proper dates, and treat them well, and all those things that J6 didn't know. And I have to say, I'm really excited!!

And, by the way, this is after we spoke on the phone for over an hour last night. The girl who hates talking on the phone spent that long speaking to a guy, and only hung up b/c it was midnight and she had to go to sleep. :-)

Oooh, free things!!

I'm a sucker for all free things (did you hear about the free ticket to Israel I recently won?!), and jewelry (who isn't?!), so I must point your interest to THIS site and to THIS giveaway for some of both:

Vintage Jewelry Giveaway

I hope you don't win, because I want to. But you should check out her blog anyway. :-)

Jew Wish

So that's the name of the show that we went to see as part of my 2nd date with S the other night -- and it was so funny! The link is below, go see it if you get a chance. It's a one-woman show all about J-dating. She pokes fun at many of the things you and I hate about online dating -- like the fact that all the guys think they should post pictures with kids (their nieces & nephews, or friends' kids, or random kids off the street) b/c that makes them more attractive. Or the non-Jews who join the sites. Or our parents who offer to pay for us to join Jewish dating sites b/c they just want us to be happy already. Here's the link: http://www.jewwishtheshow.com/ Super funny.

The date, meanwhile -- terrific. We met for a quick dinner (falafel -- yummy -- my Mom would love this place!) and then headed to the show. Afterward we got a drink nearby the theater and then came home, and yes, he came inside for a bit. That's all I will tell you. But we clearly both had a great time, and after nearly 7 hours together I don't think either of us wanted the date to end. The conversation flowed easily, he makes me laugh and is clearly interested in what I have to say. He commented at one point that I am a very "relaxed and calm" person and I nearly cracked up b/c that is NOT how most people would describe me -- I said it must be a compliment to HIM if that's the side that he's bringing out in me! And yes, he already called the next day to find out when he can see me again.

So far, so good....I'll keep you posted. :-)

Two first dates

Sorry it's been "so long" since I've updated -- after posting so frequently I guess a week seems like a long time!

Last week I had two first dates with two very nice guys, but they were very different. The first guy, R, is a journalist and he was very sweet. We met for coffee but also got dessert, and we chatted for a long time -- but I just didn't feel any chemistry with him. I kept thinking how much I'd love to be friends with him (and actually thought that I'd love to set him up with a friend of mine). The problem now is that I don't know how to tell him this. He texted me a couple days later, but I didn't see the text til 2 days after THAT, so I texted him back from before Shabbos and told him I had a busy weekend and we'd be in touch this week -- haven't heard from him again. Thoughts about what to do next? I don't actually have his email (just his inbox though the SYAS site, which seems very impersonal to use) but I don't want to be crude and close the match without talking to him first. Like I said, he was very sweet and an interesting guy.

The other guy seems way more promising. We met for drinks but ended up sharing a salad and a dessert as well, and sat for over 2 hours. If body language says anything he was VERY interested because if had leaned over the table any more he would have bumped into my head! He was funny, and interesting, and asked me a lot of questions about myself. And interrupted me at one point to tell me how pretty I am (which made me blush). He walked me home and held my hand along the way. And e-mailed me that night to say what a great time he had -- and called the next day (!) to ask me out again! So yes, we are going out tonight -- to a light dinner and then a play in the Village that a friend of a friend is putting on. Which means it's a "not your typical" 2nd date, so he totally wins extra points for that. :-)

Both of these guys were from SYAS. On the Frumster point, I've still been emailing the same few guys, nothing new or interesting -- a couple guys have asked for my number or tried to set up something to meet, but honestly I haven't felt like getting there (and haven't had time!) -- there's one guy who works in my hospital that I might meet for coffee in our coffeeshop only b/c I feel like I know him and he keeps asking and otherwise it might be awkward when I do eventually run into him. And now explain this to me: WHY are there 60 and 70 year-old men looking at my profile?? Ew, GROSS. Stop. Nasty. You shouldn't even be LOOKING at my profile. Unless you have a super cute 30 year old grandson or something you want to introduce me to. Just YUCK.

Sometimes I feel like I'm actually a good doctor

I was on call this past weekend for a private practice on the UES that I cover one weekend a month, and there were a couple instances that were a little rewarding. I saw a newborn in the well-baby nursery both mornings and on Sunday morning as I was leaving, the Mom asked for my card so she could use me as her pediatrician instead of this office. It was sweet, but I told her that I worked in the Hospital's clinic and that my schedule was fully booked, but that she was really going to like the doctors in that practice. I felt so honored!! I also had a couple phone calls about some pretty sick kids, and I gave the parents some advice, and when I followed up with the parents the next day the kids were doing much better! So my advice worked, which felt really good. :-)

I've also now been practicing long enough that I'm getting newborns who are the younger siblings of other patients that I've had since THEY were born! Happened to me today in clinic. I've already had newborns who were younger siblings of kids that I picked up as toddlers or older patients -- one Mom on the postpartum floor the other day told the attending on service very specifically that I was her pediatrician, this for her 7th baby! -- but today was the 2nd time that I had the younger baby of another baby (who is 2 1/2 now). It's VERY rewarding!!

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE my job? Most days, at least. :-D

My amusement for the day

This is my amusement for the day:

The ad on the side of frumster this morning takes you to this link:

http://www.myheadcoverings.com/

Awfully pretentious of them, isn't it? (You should know that married women in Orthodox Judaism cover their hair. AFTER marriage.)

So you are on this site, trying to find a guy and maybe set up a first date, and they are advertising things you might need once you get married. I just find it funny.

Meanwhile, I met one of my matchmakers from SYAS last night. She's younger than I expected, but very nice and funny, and offered me a lot of insight. Namely, that I shouldn't be worried, that I have a lot to offer and that she is really going to go to bat for me. She's actually planning to leave SYAS soon but is going to keep looking for me personally, which is nice.

Have a great weekend! :-D

Rude People

So this guy from Boston -- who describes himself as "the life of the party. I like to laugh and have a good time. I also have a tendancy to be intense, at times. I constantly look for ways to grow and improve myself and the relationship between myself and my Creator. I'm pretty chilled out. This is very hard to write...(sic)" (so clearly he was trying to fill up the required space) -- sent me an icebreaker last week. I ignored it, I didn't particularly like his profile. He sent me another one today. So I write back this time, and said in what I thought was a nice manner that I usually don't respond to icebreakers -- as stated in my profile -- and that if he'd like to communicate with me to please write me a real email. I also said that I don't usually like long-distance things (also stated in my profile, where I say that my ideal guy "doesn't live more than a quick train ride away, but I didn't remind him of that in today's reply) but to please tell me why he thought we might be good together. Or something like that. I don't remember the exact words.

His reply: "Get over yourself."

WTF?!

My responses to your responses

Thanks for all the comments! I love it, so keep them coming.

98% of the time, I respond to all e-mails I receive on frumster/jwed. Even the ones that just say "hi, wanna chat?" or the ones from the 60 year-old men. I will respond with "sure, if you want to tell me more about yourself," or "Thanks for the e-mail, but you are outside the age range that I'm looking for, I wish you all the best." I don't even use the automatic "I'm not interested" reply, I will write my own response.

I don't always respond to the icebreakers, b/c I say in my profile that I won't. I DO, however, look at all the profiles of the people that send the icebreakers, and if there's anything in the profile that looks remotely interesting to me then I will write the person back and ask him something about himself. Unfortunately, that's only happened once. The icebreakers tend to come from guys that I otherwise wouldn't have any interest in -- which makes sense, since they are clearly guys who aren't even reading my profile.

All that being said, and other things being equal, the guys I find myself actually corresponding with somehow end up being guys I wouldn't necessarily pick out myself -- and it is because they write me lovely, well-written, personal e-mails that I end up corresponding with them. They may be slightly older than I'd like, or live out of town. One guy right now has a daughter, but his e-mails are absolutely lovely. Another guy doesn't fit my ideal for looks -- but again, such well written and personal e-mails he puts other guys to shame. So if someone wants to "hook" me, that's all they have to do. The e-mail matters way more to me than anything else.

And here's my questions for the day, readers. When do you abandon e-mail and go to phone calls or the first meeting? I have some guys who ask for my phone number -- as you saw below -- from the first "hi" greeting they send. Others ask after the first full e-mail, and some guys will e-mail for weeks before they ask for the digits. Meanwhile, I'm not terribly comfortable on the phone, ever. (Ask my best friends -- or even my Mom or sister. I hate talking on the phone, in general, and it's why long distance relationships are super hard for me.) I don't think it's my best side -- and I think I'm more nervous on the phone than in person, actually. But I'm also just not certain at what point it's "correct" to give out your phone number. (And as an aside, it's one of the things I don't like about "Saw You At Sinai," the matchmaking site -- they go straight to phone numbers, I'd rather e-mail first.) When do you give out, or ask for, a number? Do you make a snap judgment whether to meet someone based on the phone conversation? Do you ever decide to meet someone just from your emails and not having spoken on the phone? HELP, I need your advice!

I'm only looking for a LITTLE effort

I said I'd come back to this topic, and I almost always keep my promises.

Online dating probably isn't anyone's first choice, right? Wouldn't we all rather meet someone through a friend, or across a room, or something way more romantic? But those of us who have turned to online dating have done it because we do want to meet someone, and it's hard to meet someone at bars/through friends/etc etc, so we are trying a different route.

Most of us make a real effort with our profiles. We try to be kinda cute, and smart, and different than everyone else. And all we expect in return is some kind of effort in the e-mail we get in response to that profile. It's partially why I hate those icebreakers -- all you have to do is click a button, and I'm looking for a tiny bit of effort and maybe some creativity and interest.

But these are some ACTUAL e-mails I've received over the past month. I have archives going back years and could probably go through them and find even better examples, if you're interested. For the most part, I'm nice, and I send some kind of response even though I could probably just as easily ignore them. The profiles that go along with these e-mails also leave much to be desired. Either they give NO information, or they belong to 60 year-old men. All spelling and grammatical mistakes are left intact. Each line is one entire e-mail, the dashes are where there may have been separate lines within the email.

-- look at those muscles/ hiya, can we chat
-- hi / leave ur phone number:)
-- Whatcha up to? (this was the 2nd email from this guy. the 1st said "hey alabama")
-- What's going on ?
-- hey how are you? / im D, nice to meet you
-- tell me more fun smart down to earth curly hair ok pinch me are u real me sorry no pic but there u need not worry and twist my arm ill get u one ok yes pretty daring of me dont shy away when u see mine dont look it or act it and never judge a book by its cover ok tag u are it o u knew that
-- its real cute but i contect to you abot you write-ask me if you want to know percific jes i want to know please

My weekend movie reviews

Hello, my loyal readers! Did you have a fun weekend?

I saw three (!) movies this weekend. That's after spending all day in Central Park on Saturday (it was gorgeous weather!). I also finished our next bookclub book, and did some studying, so it wasn't a completely wasted weekend. Below are my reviews, would love to hear what you thought as well. I do believe in the past week I've seen 30% of the Oscar nominees for this year, by the way.

1) Inception: BRILLIANT film. Christopher Nolan is a genius. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what happens, and I understand why many reviews have said it needs two viewings. I also agree with the reviews that say the romantic storyline (between Leo and Marion Cotillard) feels kinda rushed and not "enough" to be truly bought by the audience. But that storyline isn't the important part, you don't need to buy it to get the rest of it, so who really cares? I'm torn between two major theories, and I don't want to give away any spoilers for those of you who haven't seen it yet, but go see it and then we can discuss. For those of you who haven't see it yet, think Ocean's 11 (a great heist movie) mixed with Memento (a mixed-up messes with your brain movie) and you've got Inception. Now go see it.

2) Despicable Me (3D): Very cute and funny. You would never know it was Steve Carell if you didn't know. He's a villain who needs the help of 3 little girls to steal the moon, and of course the 3 little girls are super adorable. Plus there are the minions!! I need some minions, anyone know where I can get some?? Be sure to stay for the credits. That's the best part of the 3D.

3) Toy Story 3 (3D): Awesome. So incredibly sweet, and sad, and beautiful, and written for adults but funny for kids. I cried, of course, who wouldn't? Andy is all grown up and going away to college, and the toys are bound for the attic. But they decide to ship themselves off to daycare instead, hoping to be played with, and all hell breaks loose. See it in 3D if you can, but make sure to see it. Just bring some kleenex. And again, stay through the credits, Pixar will never let you down. (As an aside, I love the Pixar shorts, but the one before this film was not my favorite. It's cute, just not one of their best. Let me know if you disagree.)

What NOT to email someone

If you follow my friend LMG, you've seen part of this on her blog already, b/c she found it too funny to not post. This is an email I received from a guy on Frumster (who lives in LA) a few weeks back that was really more of a resume than anything else. I have edited it down for you because the entire thing was over 1000 words long (!!). In case you were wondering, there was NO salutation, and no ending other than his IM info and name. In addition, there are things in it that make it clear that he wrote it about 5 years ago and hasn't updated it since. I'm assuming this guy has no social skills and no idea what to do in terms of dating, and I kind of want to teach him something, but seriously?!?! And don't you kind of want to ask for the writing samples he mentions?

And just so you know, I did write him back, saying: "I appreciate the message, but I've done the long distance thing in the past and have no interest in doing it again. Good luck with your search. P.S. While it's nice to receive a well- written email, yours comes across more like a resume. Perhaps you should stick to the basics when emailing someone for the first time -- more about you and your personality than your accomplishments. Just some feedback, hope you don't mind." THEN, about a week later, I actually got a dreaded ICEBREAKER from the guy!! Weird.

Anyway, happy reading, it should make your weekend. :-D

Subject: Shalom

I posses nine of what I consider the most important qualities of a good leader and counselor: initiative, high motivation, outstanding organizational skills, self-starter, integrity and good communication skills, team work, caring, and ability to conduct a program to its fullest. My easy going nature and ability to get along with people, would certainly contribute to my ability as a counselor to function both as a friend and a mentor.
I was born on May 12, 1982 in West Los Angeles. My mother (Rosenberg) was born in Czechoslovakia. A year after she was born and Israel was declared a State, she immigrated to Israel where her family settled in Hadera.
While growing up in Los Angeles where I attended public school, my family belonged to Temple Ramat Zion, a conservative synagogue. The most memorable experience I had was celebrating my Bar Mitzvah in Jerusalem at the Kotel, along with my family and Israeli relatives. This winter 2005/2006 marks a decade after my Bar Mitzvah.
At age four, I took my first flight in an airplane while traveling on a family vacation to Israel. It was a commercial flight on EL AL, from Los Angeles to New York, with a final destination of Tel Aviv. Ever since that flight I have dreamed of becoming a pilot. In fact, since that flight, I have flown on many occasions, but I believe that it was my first experience that hooked me on the “flying bug”. When in high school, I never had to figure out what I wanted for a career. My ultimate career goal was then and still remains to be an airline pilot.
From first grade through fifth grade I was in Cub Scouts, and then proceeded onto Boy Scouts, where I earned the rank of an Eagle Scout the highest rank a scout can earn. In my sophomore and junior year in college I took two classes concerning the history of the Jewish people, from ancient times to the present. (sample available upon reqest)
The following are some of the leadership positions I held in Boy Scouts of America, working with youth (ages 11-18), some were during long-term camps.
1. Troop Scribe – maintained paper and electronic database of scouts.
2. Troop Guide – counseled scouts on rank advancement
3. Camp Quartermaster - maintained summer camp gear for entire camp.
4. Asst. Patrol Leader – helped patrol leader in their duties.
5. Patrol Leader – responsible for safety of patrol (during camps, hikes, cooking meals, etc…) 12 or more scouts, and counseled on rank advancement.
6. Sr. Patrol Leader
7. Jr. Asst. Scoutmaster
8. Order of the Arrow (Honor Camping Society within scouts, and earned highest level, the Vigil Honor).
a. Chapter Chief – Running the chapter that I belonged to. (during programs and monthly meetings)
b. Vice Chief of Indian Lore
c. Member Ceremonial Dance Team
d. Active Member
9. Planed and organized trip for troop to San Diego Naval Base, and Vandenberg AFB on my own initiative. Contacted and interacted with Chief Petty Officers, Air Force Captains, Lieutenant Commanders and an Admiral.
10. Aviation Explorer Scouting (youth: 14-21) Co-Ed: Kitty Hawk Squadron III:
http://www.squadron3.com
a. Vice President
b. President
c. Director of Maintenance
d. Flight Instructor (Volunteer / Donating Time).
Present Time
In my most recent adventure to Israel this past January, I participated in the Taglit Birthright Israel Program. This was my second visit to Masada, but it was most special because of the experience of ascending the Roman ramp on Masada just before sunrise. I was deeply moved at this site remembering the fate of the Jews who committed suicide there, rather than surrendering to the Romans. During our lesson on Masada we participated in morning services.

PS: You are the pulchritudinous one!

A quick follow up

I got my "matches" from the party the other night. There was the guy from Frumster -- who clearly still liked me enough by the end of the party to turn my number in! And then I had decided with a friend to turn each other's number in so that we'd see how long it would take to get the "match." I'm surprised it was only a few days!

Oh well.

Meanwhile, I would like to tell you about one of my pet peeves with online dating. Frumster/Jwed has a feature called "send an icebreaker." It allows you to send an automatic message to another member, where the computer fills in information about you. So if I want to click "Send an icebreaker" when viewing a profile I particularly like, it would send the guy an e-mail with the subject "The Doctor would like to communicate with you" and the e-mail would say "My name is The Doctor and I am a 30 year old Modern Orthodox woman from New York City, NY where I work as a Pediatrician. My hobbies include: Theater, museums, movies and baseball. To view my full profile click the link at the bottom of this email." Such an ice-breaker would include all spelling mistakes and such from your profile b/c it just pulls the information from the top section, and in fact certain things are in bold b/c of how it pulls the info. Does that tell you anything at all about me? NO. It's stupid, and a waste of time.

Now the only one to send an ice-breaker is to be viewing someone's profile and click the link. I HATE ice breakers, I think they are stupid and lazy and if you want to talk to me, say "hello" and at least take the time to write something original. So at the bottom of my profile, it says that I won't respond to ice breakers (among other things, including to please make an effort in your email in general since I've made an effort in my profile, but we can come back to that point another time). And yet I still get them! So CLEARLY people aren't reading my profile and are just clicking the button once they see my picture or something, right? How annoying is that? So now I'm just deleting them from my inbox. Do you think that's wrong? Should I be responding to the ice breakers at all, even with a comment that says to please write a full email, or is it okay to just delete?

"The Kids are All Right" was more than Alright!

LOVED this movie! Go see it when you get a chance. If you haven't heard about it, it's the story of two women (Julianne Moore and Annette Benning) who are married (yes, to each other) and have 2 kids from the same sperm donor. One of the kids is now 18 so they decide to track down the bio dad, (Mark Ruffalo), and all hell breaks loose when domestic happiness becomes trouble in paradise. It's one of the best movies about marriage I've seen in a really long time. Funny and smart and real.

Now my movie-going experience, however, less than alright. First of all, it was a 9:30pm movie on a Tuesday night. It was a sold-out movie. I went with 2 friends and we got there about 9:20pm, but couldn't find 3 seats together. I politely asked if some folks would move over as there were 3 empty seats in one row, and this lady flat out refused and told us we should have come earlier if we wanted to sit together. It's not like the movie had already started or anything. And we weren't the only people walking around looking for seats. You'd THINK people in the theater would just move over once they realized it was a sold-out movie. Like nice normal people would do. But NOPE.

So the 3 of us sat separately, but tried to sit near each other. I ended up next to 2 guys who were the kind of guys you hate at movies -- they were yelling and talking back the whole time, like "Oh no she didn't" and "ew, gross" when the women kissed. Really, you didn't know it was a lesbian marriage movie?? But worse than that, they pulled out a TRAY of chicken wings to eat during the movie. A TRAY. Of Chicken Wings. With Ranch Dressing. For Dipping. And they licked and sucked their fingers after each one. And threw the bones on the floor. And it smelled to high heaven. AND he leaned into my seat. I sat so far to the corner of my seat that my back hurt. And I held my nose the entire movie.

Plus there were the people who brought their 4 year old and infant to this movie. The 4-year-old got to hear the repeated F-word and watch the gay porn and see the sex scenes and nudity. The infant eventually woke up and coughed (a croupy cough) for the last 20 minutes of the movie, and of course the parents didn't take him out of the theater.

When the movie was over, I went to find a manager to complain to. SHE was the worst of all. I told her about the guys with the wings and she wanted to know why I didn't complain DURING the movie. I explained, politely, that I had paid good money to see a movie and didn't want to miss even 10 minutes of it to have to come out and complain, that it's the theater's job to make sure people don't bring in things like chicken wings and disrupt the movie. She just kept telling me that unless I had complained DURING the movie there was nothing she could do about it. She told me it was illegal to search bags (and yet they do it at Broadway theaters and baseball stadiums, btw), and that they don't make it routine to help people find seats in sold-out shows, and that she can't do anything for me now, it's just too bad I didn't want to miss any of the movie to complain earlier, she would have made them throw away the wings. I said that wouldn't have helped b/c I would have been stuck sitting next to them the rest of the movie anyway and they would have been angry at me and she was like "Oh well." I said that I worked hard and just wanted to come enjoy a movie and it was the worst movie-going experience I'd had in a long time. She just repeated that I should have complained earlier. I told her I'd never be going back to that theater and she said "That's fine."

Okay, I'm done ranting. I'll be contacting the general manager of the theater, btw, to complain. :-)

So I Tried....

I decided to try something a little outside my usual "comfort zone" and attended a big singles' event the other night with a friend of mine. Tu B'Av is a date on the Jewish calendar, kind of like Valentine's Day, that's supposed to be a good date for meeting your soulmate (Bashert) and historically singles would wear white and meet in the open space of town.

So everyone wore white and we got numbers and were set to mingle. Armed with a drink, or course. There were WAY too many people there and it was kind of hard to meet people, but my friend and I tried to introduce ourselves and walked around and put ourselves out there and all (she was way better at it than I am, btw). The strangest part was when this buy comes over to me and says "Hi, are you E? Aren't you a Doctor? But you aren't from here, right?" It was kinda spooky. Turns out I had been emailing with him on Frumster/JWed just last week and had been about to give him my # and then he went out of town for the weekend.

We chatted for a bit, he was nice and cute (his pic on the site is blurry, actually, so I never would have recognized him). Spoke to him a few times during the night and I promised to give him my number so we could actually talk and go out.

Didn't have much luck with anyone else, though. You should take a look at my friend's blog ("Little Match Girl," link to it on the right side) for one obnoxious guy she met. Did get to hang out with some new friends I've made over the past few months, though, and generally had a good time and stayed out later than I thought I would.

And meanwhile, I email the guy with a "It was so nice meeting you, here's my number, maybe we can meet for coffee in the next week" kind of thing. He writes me back today (36 hrs after the event started, okay?) saying this: "Great meeting you and your friend. I actually met someone that night and we just started dating. I am not one that dates a couple of girls at the same time. I hope you understand and I wish you all the best of luck." Really?! In less than 36 hours you've become completely exclusive with someone? That's AMAZING! I'm shocked and in awe and kind of impressed. And also don't believe him. Do you??

I will follow you.....

You'll now see a short list of blogs that I follow to the right hand side.
In actuality, I follow about 30 blogs via my RSS reader with my gmail account, but I didn't create this blog with that gmail account b/c I didn't want everyone to have access to my full name, just in case people happened across this blog by accident.
But I DID want my friends (real or cyber-friends) to find this blog, and to know that I followed them, and to follow me back. So now some of my friends and favorite blogs have me following them twice, lucky you!
I'll add more of my favorite blogs to this list as time goes on, it's just tedious, and at some point I have to get work done at work. Or at least study for my upcoming Pediatric boards.
Check out some of the other blogs when you get a chance, they are fun. :-)

Having standards vs being picky

I had a conversation with a friend over the weekend about the difference between having standards and being picky. It's a fine line. I think it's okay to say that I'll only date Jewish guys -- no one would say that's being too picky, right? And I only want to date guys who are as Observant as I am (keep Shabbos and Kosher the same way that I do). Plus I would only date someone who's college educated, and I don't want to date anyone who has kids.

So then this guy e-mails me last week on Frumster/JWed and he doesn't have a college degree, and I send him a nice note back saying that I don't think we'd be a good match. He writes me back and says that while he respects my decision, he doesn't have a problem dating someone with a medical degree, that he didn't go to college but instead opened his own business and does very well for himself. (Now this entire e-mail was full of spelling and grammatical errors, just so you know.) Do you think it's unfair of me to say straight out that I won't date someone who doesn't have a college degree??

What about other standards? Like not wanting to date someone who's divorced or has kids? Or is Ashkenazic vs Sephardic, or lives nearby vs long-distance? What about age standards? When does it become being "too picky" and one needs to allow oneself to be more flexible and just meet more people?

I will tell you that I once dated a guy who was about 6 years older than me. On our 3rd date, he told me his rule was he wouldn't date anyone born in 1980 or late. I had to then tell him that I had already broken his rule, but only by 2 hours, since I was born at 1:52am on January 1, 1980. He decided that since it was still 1979 in California when I was born, he would allow it. But really, when you have such strict rules, you are BOUND to meet the ONE person who breaks them, right??

JDate vs JWed

Last post today, I promise, b/c I have to get some actual work done at some point.....

So I've been using one online dating site for some time. Actually, my profile dates back to 2002 (when I was in college), so clearly it's worked for me. Ha. Anyway, the site used to be called "Frumster." I always hated the name, but it clearly implied its purpose -- it was designed for the more observant single Jewish person ("frum" is a Yiddish term for observant). As opposed to other sites, like JDate, which is more commonly known but doesn't always serve the observant world.

Well they've now changed their name to JWed. Which is clearly stating that they are DIFFERENT in more ways than one from JDate. So it's not just that "we are here for the observant Jewish single person," but they are now saying "we are here for the Jewish single person who actually wants to get married" -- in other words, are they trying to say that JDate is designed for people who ONLY want to date and NOT get married??

What do y'all think? I know several people who've gotten married after meeting people on JDate. I also know lots of people who haven't had any success on JDate at all. And clearly, I've been hugely successful on Frumster, on and off, for the past 8 years, despite wanting to get married that entire time.

Why I shouldn't date anyone with a J name

I've never had any luck with guys who have names that start with J.

(Women, on the other hand, are fine. There's my sister, of course, who after she stopped beating me up became my best friend. And my other best friend, who's a J. And several others. So don't get mad yet, I acknowledge that female J's are fine.)

Here are all the examples I can come up with sitting here right now, I'm sure there are more, but I think it's enough to win the argument:

J#1: My Dad. So okay, I didn't DATE my dad. But my parents got divorced when I was three. He moved out of state when I was 8. While we have a good relationship now, it took a long time to get there. Many would argue (and I would likely agree) that he's the reason I have a fear of abandonment. When my dad moved out of state, I was mad at him for a long time, and so far I haven't met that good guy who hasn't also left me. And yes, I do think that my dad IS a good guy. But I'm still going to keep him on this list, okay?

J#2: I knew him through a summer program in high school. He should have been my first kiss but was too chicken, so that honor went to a guy named Eugene (I know). The following summer I was actually J#2's first kiss (he finally got up the courage). Then we got set-up when I lived in Houston post-Katrina and dated for a month, it was fun. After that month he said we didn't want the "same thing" so broke up with me. Well I didn't want to marry him and I was leaving Houston soon after, so unless HE wanted a long-term thing my guess is we did want the same thing, but whatever.

J#3: Was in high school, he lived in Memphis, I lived in Birmingham. He wanted to date, I didn't. He wrote me a long letter one summer about how the long-distance thing could work. I said fine. We talked on the phone. I went to Memphis. Then it was his turn to come to B'ham. He didn't want to, so we broke up. I told him I was right about the long-distance thing not working. Should have ended there, but instead he started spreading rumors about me within our region of the youth group. Not true rumors. Not sure why he did that, but luckily most people knew better than to believe him.

J#4: College. He was super religious when we started dating. It was a super intense relationship. Then we broke up. Then he became not religious. It's weird.

J#2, part 2: Med School - Dated him again, see above.

J#5: Med school. This guy totally broke my heart. Still hurts to talk about it. He swept me off my feet and I thought we were getting married. He ultimately chose his job over me, to make a long story short.

J#6: Residency - I dated this guy for over 2 years. Turns out my family and friends hated him and he didn't treat me well. I defended him the whole time. His mom hated me, too. Real winner. I could write a lot more but it's not worth it.

J#7: I had coffee with a guy recently whom I was set up with through a website that uses Matchmakers. (You don't get to peruse the profiles, only the matchmakers do, and then they suggest matches. I have it set-up so the guy has to approve me first, then I can approve him, then he gets my contact info.) So I met this guy for coffee and we talked for 90 minutes. I wasn't so attracted to him (big, lanky red-head) but it was a nice chat, I would have seen him again. He told me he was leaving town the next day for business so I figured I wouldn't hear from him for a few days anyway. About 4 days later I go onto the website and he's closed our match. Really, you couldn't have the decency to at least e-mail me to say it was nice meeting me but you don't want to see me again?? After a 90 minute coffee date?? Maybe if we'd had nothing to chat about or something.

J#8: From the same site, I was set up with this other guy who sounded promising. Good job, did a lot of volunteer work too. We e-mailed, texted. He was hard to pin down but kept saying he was really interested in seeing me. So finally we met for drinks and it was a really fun date, he was extremely flirty the entire time. Texted me all that night until I finally said I had to go to sleep. Texted all the next day. Invited me for Shabbos dinner with some friends, which was fun. I basically didn't hear from him for several days after that so I emailed him and he writes back to say sorry he didn't get back to me, he had "a great time" with me both times, but didn't think we were "soul-mates." Really, dude? After two short experiences, where you had a "great time," you are ready to write someone off as not your soul-mate and you don't want to see them again?

And in general, what's with guys just not knowing how to communicate??!!

I'm sure I've dated other J's in the past, but these 7 stand out. So I think I'm done. No more J's. Anyone object?

Welcome!

Hi -- Welcome to my blog!

This isn't my first attempt at blogging. Way back in medical school, I kept a blog for a couple months. I used it to complain about some random things, and then people commented about why was I complaining all the time. Wasn't that the point of the blog? Then I got busy, and Katrina happened, and I closed up the blog. So here I am again, 5 years later, and I've decided that I have a lot to say and not a lot of good places to say it. And yes, this may sometimes be a place where I do a lot of complaining. If you don't like it, you don't have to stay. But I hope you find me, at times, entertaining. I hope you comment. And that you come back for me. And bring your friends! I like new friends. :-) Let me know what you like hearing about, and what you don't like hearing about, and maybe I'll try to give you more of what you like and less of what you don't like. Maybe.

I apologize in advance for multiple posts today -- I have a lot to say. Enjoy.