Thanks for all the comments! I love it, so keep them coming.
98% of the time, I respond to all e-mails I receive on frumster/jwed. Even the ones that just say "hi, wanna chat?" or the ones from the 60 year-old men. I will respond with "sure, if you want to tell me more about yourself," or "Thanks for the e-mail, but you are outside the age range that I'm looking for, I wish you all the best." I don't even use the automatic "I'm not interested" reply, I will write my own response.
I don't always respond to the icebreakers, b/c I say in my profile that I won't. I DO, however, look at all the profiles of the people that send the icebreakers, and if there's anything in the profile that looks remotely interesting to me then I will write the person back and ask him something about himself. Unfortunately, that's only happened once. The icebreakers tend to come from guys that I otherwise wouldn't have any interest in -- which makes sense, since they are clearly guys who aren't even reading my profile.
All that being said, and other things being equal, the guys I find myself actually corresponding with somehow end up being guys I wouldn't necessarily pick out myself -- and it is because they write me lovely, well-written, personal e-mails that I end up corresponding with them. They may be slightly older than I'd like, or live out of town. One guy right now has a daughter, but his e-mails are absolutely lovely. Another guy doesn't fit my ideal for looks -- but again, such well written and personal e-mails he puts other guys to shame. So if someone wants to "hook" me, that's all they have to do. The e-mail matters way more to me than anything else.
And here's my questions for the day, readers. When do you abandon e-mail and go to phone calls or the first meeting? I have some guys who ask for my phone number -- as you saw below -- from the first "hi" greeting they send. Others ask after the first full e-mail, and some guys will e-mail for weeks before they ask for the digits. Meanwhile, I'm not terribly comfortable on the phone, ever. (Ask my best friends -- or even my Mom or sister. I hate talking on the phone, in general, and it's why long distance relationships are super hard for me.) I don't think it's my best side -- and I think I'm more nervous on the phone than in person, actually. But I'm also just not certain at what point it's "correct" to give out your phone number. (And as an aside, it's one of the things I don't like about "Saw You At Sinai," the matchmaking site -- they go straight to phone numbers, I'd rather e-mail first.) When do you give out, or ask for, a number? Do you make a snap judgment whether to meet someone based on the phone conversation? Do you ever decide to meet someone just from your emails and not having spoken on the phone? HELP, I need your advice!
I know it can be hard to take things offline and into the real world (ie: phone and actual meeting), but I think sometimes the sooner you do it the better. What if the guy whose e-mails are so lovely is a rude jerk to a waiter? What if the one who wrote so beautifully sounds like a cartoon character and you can't take him seriously?
ReplyDeleteI know you don't want to rush into things, and I think it is important to take your time and get to know someone. But I also think that getting to know someone is more than their e-mails. Its the way they talk, they way the treat others, and the way you feel around them.
So, Doc, I knwo you'll do what is right for you and how great you get all of these opinions to look over as well. I think you're wonderful and I know someone is going to be so lucky when you do decide to pick up that phone! :-)
We've had this discussion before (and, by the way, I want to set the record straight I didn't just dismiss her for lack of knowledge about William Blake...it was more she was incredibly superficial about it and didn't want to know more, just said she liked him because I liked him...anyways), I give out my cell early on. Only reason is because I prefer to talk on the phone than email. Maybe get to chatting with someone, then go to cell, if it's easier. I know you hate the phone, and, when I've come to visit, makes it hard to get a hold of you, but, alas, part of what makes you, you.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, both guys and girls are weird about giving out numbers; those guys who are willing to give out numbers more easily are usually more comfortable talking than emailing (then again, they could be a sleeze, so get a google voice number to call from and then you won't have to worry about them having your real number).
Oh, an anonymous phone number! Interesting idea. :-)
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