What NOT to email someone

If you follow my friend LMG, you've seen part of this on her blog already, b/c she found it too funny to not post. This is an email I received from a guy on Frumster (who lives in LA) a few weeks back that was really more of a resume than anything else. I have edited it down for you because the entire thing was over 1000 words long (!!). In case you were wondering, there was NO salutation, and no ending other than his IM info and name. In addition, there are things in it that make it clear that he wrote it about 5 years ago and hasn't updated it since. I'm assuming this guy has no social skills and no idea what to do in terms of dating, and I kind of want to teach him something, but seriously?!?! And don't you kind of want to ask for the writing samples he mentions?

And just so you know, I did write him back, saying: "I appreciate the message, but I've done the long distance thing in the past and have no interest in doing it again. Good luck with your search. P.S. While it's nice to receive a well- written email, yours comes across more like a resume. Perhaps you should stick to the basics when emailing someone for the first time -- more about you and your personality than your accomplishments. Just some feedback, hope you don't mind." THEN, about a week later, I actually got a dreaded ICEBREAKER from the guy!! Weird.

Anyway, happy reading, it should make your weekend. :-D

Subject: Shalom

I posses nine of what I consider the most important qualities of a good leader and counselor: initiative, high motivation, outstanding organizational skills, self-starter, integrity and good communication skills, team work, caring, and ability to conduct a program to its fullest. My easy going nature and ability to get along with people, would certainly contribute to my ability as a counselor to function both as a friend and a mentor.
I was born on May 12, 1982 in West Los Angeles. My mother (Rosenberg) was born in Czechoslovakia. A year after she was born and Israel was declared a State, she immigrated to Israel where her family settled in Hadera.
While growing up in Los Angeles where I attended public school, my family belonged to Temple Ramat Zion, a conservative synagogue. The most memorable experience I had was celebrating my Bar Mitzvah in Jerusalem at the Kotel, along with my family and Israeli relatives. This winter 2005/2006 marks a decade after my Bar Mitzvah.
At age four, I took my first flight in an airplane while traveling on a family vacation to Israel. It was a commercial flight on EL AL, from Los Angeles to New York, with a final destination of Tel Aviv. Ever since that flight I have dreamed of becoming a pilot. In fact, since that flight, I have flown on many occasions, but I believe that it was my first experience that hooked me on the “flying bug”. When in high school, I never had to figure out what I wanted for a career. My ultimate career goal was then and still remains to be an airline pilot.
From first grade through fifth grade I was in Cub Scouts, and then proceeded onto Boy Scouts, where I earned the rank of an Eagle Scout the highest rank a scout can earn. In my sophomore and junior year in college I took two classes concerning the history of the Jewish people, from ancient times to the present. (sample available upon reqest)
The following are some of the leadership positions I held in Boy Scouts of America, working with youth (ages 11-18), some were during long-term camps.
1. Troop Scribe – maintained paper and electronic database of scouts.
2. Troop Guide – counseled scouts on rank advancement
3. Camp Quartermaster - maintained summer camp gear for entire camp.
4. Asst. Patrol Leader – helped patrol leader in their duties.
5. Patrol Leader – responsible for safety of patrol (during camps, hikes, cooking meals, etc…) 12 or more scouts, and counseled on rank advancement.
6. Sr. Patrol Leader
7. Jr. Asst. Scoutmaster
8. Order of the Arrow (Honor Camping Society within scouts, and earned highest level, the Vigil Honor).
a. Chapter Chief – Running the chapter that I belonged to. (during programs and monthly meetings)
b. Vice Chief of Indian Lore
c. Member Ceremonial Dance Team
d. Active Member
9. Planed and organized trip for troop to San Diego Naval Base, and Vandenberg AFB on my own initiative. Contacted and interacted with Chief Petty Officers, Air Force Captains, Lieutenant Commanders and an Admiral.
10. Aviation Explorer Scouting (youth: 14-21) Co-Ed: Kitty Hawk Squadron III:
http://www.squadron3.com
a. Vice President
b. President
c. Director of Maintenance
d. Flight Instructor (Volunteer / Donating Time).
Present Time
In my most recent adventure to Israel this past January, I participated in the Taglit Birthright Israel Program. This was my second visit to Masada, but it was most special because of the experience of ascending the Roman ramp on Masada just before sunrise. I was deeply moved at this site remembering the fate of the Jews who committed suicide there, rather than surrendering to the Romans. During our lesson on Masada we participated in morning services.

PS: You are the pulchritudinous one!