I Said Yes!!

Here's the story you have all been waiting for (and it's the long version!):

I'd been expecting a proposal for a few months already. We had looked at rings several months ago, and I told you about our discussion after the Bahamas trip. He told me at one point that there was some hold up with the ring -- getting the right one, his Dad was supposed to be helping, etc. He asked me a couple times again what I wanted. But I was still waiting and waiting.

The day we were leaving for Israel, I was in a really bad mood. I had applied for a new apartment -- a coop -- and they were giving me the runaround in terms of the application (when to interview, which I was supposed to have done the day before but then never got a time to show up, when I'd be able to move in, etc, etc). That entire apartment search had been pretty stressful, too, considering I was looking for a place big enough for both of us, but we weren't engaged yet! And then he wasn't packed yet, and my apartment was a mess, and work was stressing me out. So I got all upset at S, and starting telling him "why can't you just get your act together, you can't even get it together enough to propose yet!" Meanwhile, he was probably laughing at me in his head the whole time, because he was sitting there with a ring in his pocket!!

Later, he tells me he was so stressed out going through security. He had the ring in his jacket pocket and didn't want to take off the jacket! He wore the jacket for the entire plane ride, I even asked him once if he was hot but he told me he felt a chill from the window (he took my non-reclining seat, such a gentleman!). In the hotel room, I asked him if he had anything he wanted to put in the safe. Nope!

Monday was our first full day in Israel. We didn't have any plans, but had discussed a bunch of random things to do -- places neither of us had ever been (or hadn't been in a really long time). He said he'd heard about this garden near the K'nesset, could we go there? I said sure, maybe we'd go to the Supreme Court building after, I'd been there in February and thought he'd love it. I asked him why he was bringing his jacket (it was around 85 degrees in Jerusalem) and he said that we might not come back to the hotel before dinner and it gets really chilly in Jerusalem at night (which it really does), so I said he was right and brought mine, too! Stupid me, now I'm carrying around my jacket all day. Didn't think twice about it.

So we get to the Rose Gardens. But there aren't any roses! They'd all been cut back for the summer. We are just walking around, and spy a Japanese garden below us that's pretty -- but can't figure out how to get there. We actually ended up climbing over all these rocks (which was not the right way, there was a path that we found to get out). So we walk over to this beautiful goldfish pond with a bench and he tells me to sit down, which I do. Then I discover there's some graffiti on the bench and point it out -- it's mostly in Hebrew, and we don't know what it says. Except for two words in English. "Broken Hearted." He makes me get up -- bad omen, he says. Oops.

Now we are walking around again. But find another nice spot near a weeping willow tree (my favorite) and the big goldfish pond. Here he says he wants to tell me something, and says some wonderful things about me and then gets down on one knee, and asks if I'll spend the rest of my life with him!! And finally takes that diamond ring out of his jacket pocket, of course.

And I said Yes!

But it's only 2am in the USA. So we don't call our parents or friends. We took some self-portraits (there was no one around to take any for us), and went to the Zoo! What else COULD we do? When it was finally late enough for people here to be awake, we went somewhere where I knew I could have wifi (to send free texts), and I started texting people. And posted on Facebook. It was then fabulous to have a week together in Israel, we had an amazing trip before we had to return to reality -- and wedding planning. :-)

But I also have successes

I wrote that other post in class last night, just didn't get it posted until this morning. Overnight, I was thinking about some of my recent successes as a doctor. Those are much more common. In fact, like I said, my patients are extremely loyal to me for a lot of reasons -- probably because I do spend a lot of time counseling on things like diet and nutrition, and because I care so much about their growth and development. My schedule is usually booked a couple months in advance (it doesn't help that I only see patients once a week), and I'm (unfortunately) always the nice one who agrees to be overbooked or to see patients when they arrive late.

So here are a couple quick stories just to let me feel proud of myself:

A few weeks ago I picked up a very early appendicitis on a 6 year old girl. So early, in fact, that she was out of the OR about 4 hours after I saw her in clinic (on Sunday morning) and home 24 hours later. Most kids under the age of 10 are so bad at identifying where their pain is, that they aren't diagnosed until after their appendix has perforated. She was clearly guarding over the appendix when I examined her, despite pointing to her tummy when I asked where it hurt, that I sent her to the ER for an ultrasound.

I have another patient I've been following for a few years who is also obese. She came in last summer (at 11 yo) having grown taller and had lost a couple pounds, for an overall significant reduction in BMI %. I was so proud! I asked her what she had done that was successful, and she said she had followed my advice to eat at least 3 different colors at each meal. I've found that's something that kids around that age group can actually understand and take control of, unlike portion sizes, calories, fiber, etc. And it worked for her! She was careful to have something green and something red, orange, or yellow at every meal.

Plus there are the kids who actually get into Early Intervention appropriately and learn new skills from their therapists. Or who follow-up with me appropriately and just are generally healthy! It makes me feel really happy when I see someone for a check-up and only have to spend a few minutes with the family.

So there you go. Have a great weekend!

My failures

Two posts in one week? Don't have a heart attack. Seriously.

I've had requests in the past to blog a little about my work, so I'm sitting in a class right now, waiting for them to figure out the projector, and I've been thinking a lot this week about a couple failures I've had that I thought I'd share with you.

I love being a pediatrician. I think I'm a pretty good doctor, and most of my patients are extremely loyal to me (they hate when I'm away, or they can't get appointments with me, or they are sick and have to see someone else on a different day of the week than my regular clinic day). I also think I'm a pretty good teacher and hopefully helping to shape some other budding primary care pediatricians.

But I saw two patients recently, both of whom have been in my care for a while, and both of whom I feel like I've really failed. And it bums me out. Not sure I can or could have done anything differently. But it's hard being a primary care doc and dealing with these issues.

One is a girl who is nearly 11, so I've known her since she was 7 -- JF. Like many patients in East Harlem, she has bad asthma and is obese. For the past 4 years, I've spoken to her and her Mom (who is also obese) regularly about making changes to her diet -- namely cutting out juice and other sugary drinks, eliminating fast food, and having healthy snacks available. One of the barriers for this particular patient is that after-school she goes to Grandma's house, and Grandma always has cakes and cookies and brownies available. JF is hungry, so she indulges, and Grandma loves to see her enjoy herself. The other big problem is that she eats lunch at school, and they serve things like chicken nuggets and pizza -- not salads or grilled chicken.

So she shows up last week for a follow-up visit. Thankfully, her asthma is well controlled (she has one PICU admission since I've known her, but hasn't even been to the ER in over a year). But she actually gained weight since the last visit, when the goal for kids this age is to grow in height without gaining anything in height (yielding a lower BMI). She is over 150 lbs! When we started talking about things like juice intake again, it's like she's never heard that she shouldn't be drinking the stuff. In one ear and out the other. And her Mom just sighs and shakes her head, not realizing how serious this can be -- diabetes, heart disease, high cholesterol, not to mention the social issues. Sigh. I don't know how else to get through to them. I keep repeating the same things -- about diet, and exercise -- keep giving her the same advice, visit after visit, year after year. I'm a broken record. But I don't think it's working for her.

The other patient makes me even sadder. WR is now 3 years old, and has been my patient since he was born. Looking back through his chart this week, at the one year visit Mom asked me about some of his behaviors -- namely, his tantrums -- but I reassured her that they were normal 1 year-old behaviors and that he was developing appropriately. By 18 months, however, I noticed that he was not behaving appropriately for his age -- his social skills were lacking. I tried talking to Mom about it then to get him evaluated, but at that visit she thought he was fine and told me that what I was seeing in the office was NOT how he behaved at home, and that his language was much more developed than I was seeing, he was just being shy. So I didn't push it, but wanted them to come back sooner for a follow-up visit -- they didn't. At the 2 year visit, it was very clear to me that the child had features of the Autism Spectrum Disorders, and I encouraged the family to get him evaluated by Early Intervention immediately so he could get started in therapies. They refused to believe me. Dad has an older son with autism, and stated that WR has none of the features of the older boy so it couldn't be true. At 2 1/2 they finally agreed to get him evaluated. The people from EI came in and all of the therapists used the word "autism" or "autism spectrum" so the family got mad. I saw him last week on his 3rd birthday (when he ages out of EI and has to place into school-based therapies). They are angry about the evaluation because they still don't believe he has ASD. They don't want to accept the diagnosis and want 2nd opinions. Meanwhile, the kid has every feature of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (which is on the Autism Spectrum) you've ever seen. He has no significant speech other than "juice" to refer to all food and liquids. He makes minimal eye contact, talks/sings to himself, plays by himself, etc. I tried to convince them to just accept whatever diagnosis the therapists want to make if that means he qualifies for lots for lots of therapies, they can think whatever they want to themselves. But it's difficult. This kid should have started therapy at least 18 months ago and I feel like I failed him.

So there you go. It's frustrating to be a doctor.

Happy Friday the 20th!

The post below was originally written last week, but blogger was down. For the sake of time, since you are all shocked I've posted anything (yes, I see it's getting to be a trend, every 2 months....), I'm just going to post it as is. I'll try to post an update on Monday. Happy weekend!!

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Happy Friday the 13th! Well, I actually wrote this post on Thursday, except Blogger was down so I couldn’t post it. I had an hour to kill between “I don’t feel like doing any more work today” and class, and realized it had been, yet again, nearly 2 months between Blog posts. So I decided it was time to update my 4 loyal readers about my life.

Since you last heard from me, I took an impromptu weekend vacation to the Bahamas, spent a week in Alabama (for Passover), and went to Denver for a Pediatric conference. That’s a lot of traveling for someone who also spends one weekend a month (sometimes more – 2 in May) on call, and works 10-12 hours a day.

Why so much traveling? I had a long weekend the 1^st weekend of April – it was “spring break” from my masters’ program, and I had originally asked for the day off of work months ago when I thought there was a possibility we’d go to my cousin’s wedding (but unfortunately, my Dad couldn’t afford to go, so that family trip got canceled). S and I discussed going to a B&B for the weekend, but everyone nearby – like the Hamptons – was super expensive. Plus the added expense of renting a car to get there, and it didn’t seem like a cheap getaway. And it was super cold here. Snowing, in the 20’s. Nasty winter weather. So we looking online to see where we could fly that was sunny and warm. The Bahamas on Jet Blue! Went on Priceline and got a room at the Sheraton in Nassau for less than $100/night. Brought a lot of our own food so didn’t have to pay for the expensive resort food. Sat on the beach, relaxed, read. Went snorkeling, which was fun. It was just what we both needed.

The Alabama trip was planned for a lot longer. S & and I both went for an entire week, got to spend some time with both my real family and my “adopted” family, the Chabad family in Birmingham with whom I’ve spent all the holidays (especially Passover!) for the last 20+ years. The only bad thing was that spring was long gone in Alabama this time of year, everyone was already green instead of blooming, so S didn’t get to see all the pretty pinks, red, purples, and whites that I am used to seeing around the Passover/Easter season. Oh well, there’s always next year. J I only had 2 days at work before leaving for the Denver trip, and since my expenses were covered by work S decided to tag along for that as well. The conference was amazing, I learned a lot but also just got to spend time with other people in the academic world and get ideas for new research topics and hear what the latest findings and trends are. Denver is a beautiful city and I also got to see some cousins there I hadn’t seen since I was about 13 or 14 years old!

So what’s next? I’m being kicked out of my apartment – my landlord decided to sell the place instead of lease it to me for another year – so S and I are looking at things together. Not because we are moving in together – I’m too old-fashioned for that – but because we think that it makes sense for me to find a place now where I don’t have to move again in a year, so it should be big enough for both of us so at some point in the next year he CAN move in. But it’s stressful to find an apartment in NYC. There’s all this pressure that if you find a good place and don’t take it right away it will be gone (it will be), but what if something better is available tomorrow? Plus you have to prove your worth: you have to make 40X the annual rent (or have a guarantor), so since it’ll only be my name on the lease it’s an added complication. Based on my ACTUAL salary, before all the moonlighting I do, I’d only be approved for something around $1500/month! That’s less than what I pay now for my studio. So then I have to prove what my actual salary is, and all of that. And then you have to decide if you want a doorman building or a walk-up, and a pre-war building or a modern building. And is it worth more $$ for less space, in a fancy building that has amenities like a gym/pool/movie theater? Do I really need a view? Etc, etc, etc.

But onto the big question – you want to know about me and S and the big question, don’t you? Things are good, and progressing as they should. A lot of people said “oh, he’s going to propose!” when they heard we were going to the Bahamas in April, and so when he didn’t I was a little sad. So I told him about it, and it made him sad because apparently he didn’t realize that I would have thought that, but he had been having a hard time finding the perfect ring. So since then I’ve stopped worrying about it because I know it’s going to happen at some point, and when it does it will be special, and I also don’t want to ruin any surprise! (Although I told him once that I’ll know he’s about to propose when he takes charge of making plans one night, since usually he leaves the planning up to me.) Yesterday (Wednesday) was our 9 month anniversary! It feels like I’ve known him my whole life, and sometimes it feels like I’ve only just begun to learn things about him. He’ll wonder how I’ll know something about him without realizing how well I already know him. But then I find out things – like that he’s never seen any of the “Back to the Future” movies – and I’m so shocked that I’m dating this guy! Ha. Never any big, scary things. Although that is kinda big and scary. How could someone never see “Back to the Future?”

And there are more trips coming up! We are going to Israel in a few weeks together! I won a free ticket back in October, from El Al (they ran a twitter contest). Unfortunately, I won the free ticket about a week after booking my ticket for my February ticket (and that ticket was non-refundable). The free ticket couldn’t be used over New Year’s or Passover, and has to be used by June 15^th. Since I would have taken off a couple days for Shavuos the first week in June anyway, we decided to go for that whole week. El Al is smart, they are making money on his ticket that we never would have spent otherwise! We are staying in Jerusalem for 5 nights and Tel Aviv for 2 nights, and don’t have any real plans, so if you have suggestions on fun/different things to go please let us know. (We are both veterans of Israel, this is my 9^th trip and I believe his 4^th or 5^th.) We were thinking of Hebron for one day, if anyone has had a good or bad experience going there please share. And then there's a super exciting trip to Destin (on the panhandle of Florida) over July 4th weekend. I grew up going there every summer with my extended family, and this year we are doing a cousins' trip -- just my first cousins, no "adults." I'm excited to introduce S to the beautiful beaches there -- the "redneck Riviera."

And I can’t believe that I’m almost halfway done with my fellowship! With very little to show for it. Nearly ready to submit my IRB proposal, hopefully it will get fast-tracked (it’s just a chart review so is exempt from most things) and I will be able to spend my summer wading through hundreds of charts. So fun, I can’t wait. :-P Just hoping to have something interesting to report in the end.

Alright, time enough wasted. Time to grab a snack before my two hour class! Since you’ll be reading this on Friday the 13^th, hope no black cats cross your path and no ladders impede your sidewalks.

Miss me much?

Hello my loyal readers --

Yes, I know it's been nearly two months since I've blogged. The fact is, there's just not so much interesting stuff to talk about. I started this blog as a place to vent about the trials and tribulations of dating, mainly. Then I found an amazing guy, and things are great. Sure, we aren't *perfect* -- but we are incredibly happy. I love him, my friends love him, my family loves him, and he loves all of us! Yes, even my cats love him (my picky cat, Tasha, often chooses his lap over mine, and it makes me completely crazy jealous). My friends' baby is truly *in love* with him -- she will just stare at his face -- and he has bonded with one of my best friends so much that they both fell asleep on the couch together one night while the other best friend (wife) and I stayed up talking. It was way too cute. So S has really become a part of my life and I just can't imagine him not being there.

A year ago, when I broke up with J6, I could never have imagined myself reaching this point so quickly. Yes, eventually, but not already. So that's just amazing to me. And yeah, things are progressing along the right steps. We talk about getting married, all the time, and in a way that is very real. As in, how would our finances work, and where do we want to live (not where as in what city, where as in which apartment building) -- and then when would we consider leaving the city. When would we want kids (soon). That kind of stuff.

Meanwhile, I have been super busy. Work is crazy -- my research is going nowhere (because I have zero mentorship), my masters program is sucky (finals next week), and this other project I'm working on (helping the transformation to an inpatient electronic medical record) is sucking away at my life but pays well. I left for two weeks in the midst of it all to go to Israel with my Mom and Sister on an Interfaith Women's trip which was fabulous.

So now I come to you -- my 5 followers, and who knows how many other random readers. What should I be blogging about? I'd like to post more often, but I don't know about what. Do you want to hear about my daily (boring) life with S? About my life as a pediatrician? About the food I eat and my attempts to eat healthier/lose weight (an eternal fight)? The TV and movies and theater I watch? Let me know, and I'll decide in which direction this blog should be headed.

Happy spring weekend!

A jolt and a buzz

Hello loyal readers. Wondering where I've been and what I've been up to? This month has been busy with birthdays....mine and S's. I had a fabulous birthday, mainly because I was surrounded by so many wonderful people. I threw myself a couple parties -- a New Year's Eve Shabbos dinner, complete with a countdown to midnight, and then a dinner and bowling party the following night (my actual birthday). A lot of my favorite people were there, and I realized that I haven't had a real birthday party -- not just dinner out with some friends -- since I turned 21. Ten years is too long between parties! It was so fun.

S made it wonderful, of course. He was kinda upset I was throwing myself a party (but I had planned this months ahead of time with a half-off coupon from "Buywithme"), but he bought me a gorgeous necklace that I wear everyday (a horseshoe shape with little diamonds), and that a couple of my friends figured I must have picked out myself. And his just being there made it fabulous, for the entirety of the celebration. And then it was his birthday, just 18 days later! I surprised him with a dinner & jazz cruise around Manhattan a few days ago, which we both loved -- our first time actually dancing together (not "club" dancing, but really dancing). I may have led some, sorry. And on the night of his birthday, we saw "American Idiot," with Billie Joe Armstrong in the cast, and had a lovely dinner. His main gift he got before our cruise -- an iPod Nano, his first iPod -- but he also got a scarf, and gloves from my Mom, and I put some portraits from our cruise into picture frames for us each to have. He was blown away and said it was the best b'day he's ever had. So we are both kinda buzzing with happiness.

And now for the jolt. Last night I came home and was chatting with some people I know in my building, then I turned around to check my mail in the (temporary during construction) mailroom and I heard a familiar voice, so I turned and saw someone on his cellphone, the profile of a familiar face -- J6. He was checking mail. In my mailroom. I did an about-face and walked as fast as I could to my elevator and hit the "close" button a gazillion times and I'm pretty certain he didn't see me.

So what was that? He's living in my building now? After telling me he'd never leave NJ, never live in the city, he moves into the city and of all places picks MY building?? Which isn't even a rental building, but they are condos and you have to rent from an owner? And it's fairly expensive, and he's a cheap bastard. Seriously, I wrote this guy OUT OF MY LIFE for a reason. He's a jerk. And I'm just so happy and healthy and better off without him even in my peripheral vision. I haven't even thought about him in months. And then JOLT -- there he is. I could run into him at any moment! Every day. And that would also mean he's also infiltrating my community -- trying to get into the UWS, which he always hated. I could see him at Shabbos dinners, or Onegs, or whatever. Gross.

And then, of course, I was upset at myself for getting upset. Because why was I letting him get to me like this? Because like I said, I'm in a much better place now. I'm in this incredible relationship with this incredible person. I have a great job, and I love my apartment. But ew, gross, now my apartment might not be at the top of the things I love anymore if it could mean seeing him. Small talk. Yuck.

I fell asleep finally last night and had pleasant dreams, actually, until the snowplows woke me up at 5:30am. I thought I wouldn't fall back asleep but apparently I did, because then I had a dream that I ran into him in the parking lot (in my dream it was a covered parking lot), and I was with a friend, and he saw us and then HE was the one running away because he didn't want me to know he was living there. That would be a better situation. But I was so careful to make sure he didn't know where I was moving. He was basically stalking me at the end, when he was trying to win me back. I didn't want him to have access to me.

I could totally face him. I'm not worried about that. Seeing him once would be no big deal. Fine. But seeing him all the time? What would you do if suddenly your ex moved in downstairs? Shudder shudder. I'm seriously hoping I'm wrong and it was just his doppelganger. Please, please.

Happy New Year!

I want to tell you about our cruise, but first I want to talk to you about the new year. Some of you may know that January 1st is my birthday. So while a new year means a lot of things to a lot of people -- you all make new year's resolutions, and think about how this year is going to be so great, and all that fun stuff, every year when the clock strikes midnight, it's more than just a new calendar year for me. It's a brand new ACTUAL year for me for as well. I'm getting a year older, it's a new start, a fresh slate, as much as one can possibly have.

2010 was not what I expected to be. If on December 31, 2009, you asked me to predict the 10 things I thought would happen in 2010, I probably would have lost on at least 8 of them. But looking back on it, it was an amazing year for me and I couldn't be in a better place right now! Let's look at all the fabulous things that happened to me:

1) I went on an amazing vacation with my Mom (a cruise with just the 2 of us, then we joined up with my sister and my stepmother in Texas)

2) I broke up with a boyfriend of 2+ years who was a good-for-nothing, whom none of my friends or family liked, and with whom I was going nowhere fast. Everyday I realize how bad he was for me, how bad I was with him, and how glad I am that that ended -- and I just wish it had ended sooner. Oh well.

3) I made some amazing new friends on the UWS and actually started to become part of a community here

4) I was diagnosed with a medical condition I didn't realize I had, but as a result of that I don't get the daily headaches I didn't realize were so bothersome, I don't drink any more sodas, I rarely drink caffeine, I drink a lot more water, and I generally feel pretty great

5) I found an amazing new apartment that I love -- it's a grown up apartment with grown up furniture! I have a kitchen, a dining room table, a couch, a view! Oh, and a doorman! These are things that make you an adult in NYC.

6) I got the fellowship I wanted, at the place where I wanted. There are days when it sucks, but I generally enjoy it, and it's (hopefully) getting me to where I want to go. I love the teaching/precepting part of it. I'm 25% done! And best of all, I don't work nights or weekends anymore!!

7) I got to go home (to Alabama) for both Passover AND Rosh Hashanah this year, as well as Thanksgiving. That was truly a treat, since during medical school and residency I worked for so many of the holidays.

8) I've gotten to spend some time with my younger sister, who although she's only 28 months old, she's incredibly cute and smart (definitely takes after me). I can't wait to watch her grow up and develop a real relationship with her -- it's fun being an older sister!

9) Although I still have more weight to lose, I did lose (and keep off) 20 lbs this summer. I gained a lot during residency (80 hour work weeks will do that to you), and it felt good to take some of it off. Keeping it off has felt even better.

10) The best for last -- S has truly been the highlight of my year. I couldn't have expected him, but he's everything I could ask for. While he's certainly not perfect, we understand each other and make each other happy. Is there anything more to say than that? Whether we are on a Caribbean cruise or just sitting on my couch watching a movie, it's perfect. :-)

So here's to an even better 2011. I don't know what's in store, and frankly I don't care. I've learned that I'm better off not trying to guess and just going with what life decides to throw at me -- hopefully it will be at least as good, if not better, than 2010.

I forgot about the TV stuff

My title yesterday said I was going to talk about TV, and then I didn't. See, I'm a failure!

Anyway, I'm way behind on TV viewing for this year. S doesn't really watch TV -- he didn't grow up on it the way that I did, and doesn't really understand that it's my stress relief at the end of a long day. I can get him to sit and watch certain shows with me, like "House" and "SVU," but you can't start someone on "Fringe" 3 seasons in, and he'd never go for shows like "Grey's Anatomy" or "Desperate Housewives." On top of that, there were the Jewish Holidays and my boards that ate up a lot of my time, and my Masters classes that go til late 4 nights a week, and I'm always playing catch-up with my DVR. So I stopped taping the shows that were On-Demand -- namely the ones that are on NBC and CBS.

But then I never got around to watching them On Demand, and it turns out they only keep 2 episodes. And Hulu only keeps 5 -- and somehow I'm 10 episodes behind. Big problem for shows that I've loved for years -- "Chuck," "30 Rock," "The Office," and new favorites like "The Good Wife" and "Parenthood." I'm not sure how legal it is, but I subscribed to Graboid and watched 4 episodes of "Chuck" last week when I was sick for a day.

The only new show this season that I've watched is "The Event," which S and I have watched together because I thought it would be fun to have a show to watch together -- but we are about 5 weeks behind, mainly because neither of us are aching to watch it ever. We put it on out of boredom. Does anyone else watch that?

What I think is important here -- if you can read between the lines -- is that all my life, TV has been extremely important to me. Like, don't talk to me, I'm watching my shows. And since meeting S, it's seriously fallen to the wayside. I'd rather spend time with him than watching TV, and maybe it's because now I have a dining table, but we don't even usually eat in front of the TV. When I'm really tired, I'll tell him we are ordering in dinner and eating in front of the TV. And when I'm stressed out, I'll tell him I need a night of catching up and he can either watch my shows with me or leave me to it. But there's a reason that my DVR is 100% full all the time!

But here are my grades: "Grey's Anatomy" and "Private Practice" have been far better this season than the past couple years. Loving them. "Glee" is amazing. I watch those shows each week and don't usually fall behind on them. "Desperate Housewives" is silly but I keep watching anyway. "House" is going to have to find a way to make Huddy interesting before I want to stop watching. "Fringe" is fascinating and she deserves an Emmy for playing both Olivias so well. "Bones" is as entertaining a ever. "SVU" never changes. "The Event" better be more interesting in the spring, if I can remember to come back to it after a 3 month hiatus. The 4 episodes of "Chuck" that I watched were great, and I am looking forward to catching up on the rest. What do y'all think? Am I missing any other great new shows?? I will say that I severely miss "Lost," and "24." Nothing comes close to replacing them.

Movie Reviews (and some TV)

It's been awhile since I've talked about movies, but since I've seen 3 in the past 10 days, I thought it was time to do a little reviewing. Let me know your thoughts.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, Part 1: IMAX
Got to see this with my mom, sister, and S in the IMAX theater in B'ham (which is huge, and domed -- the latter kind of made the distortion a bit strange, however). The movie was incredible. I'm kinda glad they ended up making two movies, since they stuck to the book so closely -- would have been a shame to have cut out half the story to have kept it at one film, even though they are going to make oodles and oodles of money this way.

It's amazing to watch the actors grow up like we have, isn' t it? Go back and watch the first film (it'll be on TV a lot this month as part of ABC's "25 days of Xmas"). You really feel like they've matured -- just like Harry, Ron, and Hermione should have done. In this film, you really feel like they are finally THERE, finally ready to take on the true challenges facing them. The emotions were brutal, but honest.
S had never seen (or read) any of the HP movies before. I had him read the Sparknotes on the first 5 books, then we watched the 6th film on the way to B'ham before seeing this movie. Now he's hooked -- maybe I'll be able to get him to read the books, if I can tear him away from him law books. But certainly it won't be a problem to get him to see the last movie with me! I can't wait for it to come out. And in 3D! I'll probably have to see it both ways.
My grade: A- (the minus is only for making me wait 6 months for the next part, good thing I know how it ends)

Love and Other Drugs
The story of a pharmaceutical rep, and the girl with Parkinson's that he loves. Sounds kinda boring when you put it that way, doesn't it? Way more entertaining than that, but only because it's set in 1997/1998, right when Viagra came out, and said pharmaceutical rep was barely making it until he got to sell the magical blue pill. And that girl was anti-love until she fell in love with the guy who was just a player until he also fell in love.

Kind of a cliched love-story, but done very well. Anne Hathaway is fabulous in it, and Jake Gyllenhaal looks great naked (well, mostly naked). I personally thought the stuff with the Big Pharma was pretty funny, but only b/c in recent years it's all changed and they aren't allowed to just give out free pens/umbrellas/lunches/trips to Hawaii anymore, so it was fun to watch them teaching the reps the ways to the doctors' hearts by doing all those things.
My grade: B+

How Do You Know
We got to see a screening of this new movie (with Reese Witherspoon, Paul Rudd, and Jack Nicholson) last night. It's the one where she's a softball player who loses her spot on the USA team, he's some kind of financial person who's being indicted by the justice system, and Owen Wilson plays the baseball player boyfriend she shouldn't be dating. (They do screenings for the press, and then try to fill up the seats so that people are laughing and booing at the right times, so it was free, yay!)

You can probably guess the storyline. Which is the worst part. The other bad parts are that they never really explain the indictment stuff (what he did wrong, or didn't do wrong; I think they don't want you to get bogged down in the details but the vagueness of it was driving me crazy). They also keep hinting at this idea that she's supposed to be depressed for losing her position on the team, but never show you that she's trying to do something else or that she's actually depressed in any way. So that was also extremely vague.

However, the relationships b/w Reese's character and both Paul's and Owen's characters were fabulous, funny and cute and likeable. Overall, it was a cute movie, and if you are looking for a fun romantic comedy then I'd recommend it.
My grade: B-

I'm a failure at blogging

But a success at so many other things! Well, maybe not right now. Right now, I'm also a failure at keeping up with many of my TV shows (I've managed to make it to November on my DVR, but only because I stopped recording shows I thought would be available On Demand. Except that it turns out that CBS and NBC only keep 2 episodes On Demand, and only 5 most recent episodes on Hulu, and I'm about 10 episodes behind on 5 or 6 important shows. Damn it!). And pretty much a failure at being a research fellow, b/c it's December and I haven't really done any research. Or even gotten trained for the IRB yet. By the end of next week I have to turn in a full protocol for my project -- a model, with methods, etc. Gross. But I did manage to complete my courses, although I have one more online-final to take, and my grades aren't back yet. And still waiting on my score for my Pediatrics boards.....

However, I am a very successful girlfriend! Things with S are going very well. I guess my blog has just become very boring, and for that I'm very sorry! He came home to Alabama for Thanksgiving and had such a great time, he didn't want to leave. He's ready to move there (but I'm not. Not even close. So don't get any ideas). He loves my family, all of them. Even the crazy ones. The only not great part happened when I got upset after we missed our connection and they had rebooked me on the next flight but not him (they had booked him on two more connections) -- he didn't like that I was upset instead of just "going with the flow," the way he is. When I finally explained WHY I had gotten upset -- that the guy on the phone had been rude to me, and that I felt like I should have called originally when I knew our flight from NYC was delayed, and was stupid for not listening to my Mom when she told me to call and didn't want her to say "told you so" -- he was understanding, and we had a good conversation about our different personalities when things like that happen. In the end, I gave up my seat on the flight I had been rebooked on in order to be fly with him on his TWO more flights -- and then we were another 2 hours delayed from Atlanta, so we traveled for 14 hours instead of 6. I must really truly like this guy!!

Next week I'm doing something I've never done before -- going on a vacation with my boyfriend. I've traveled with boyfriends before -- to see family, or with family. But never ONLY with a boyfriend. We are going on a cruise to the Caribbean -- it was an amazingly cheap deal, and we are both so excited (he's never been on a cruise before!). We are also going to meet the rest of the parents on either end, since we are going out of Ft. Lauderdale/Miami. We are doing some pretty active excursions (a waterfall hike, snuba, and another hike/snorkel trip), but I've warned him that the days at sea may require some down-time by the pool, and that we don't have to spend every minute with each other -- if he wants to go do something else (since there are so many activities on this ship!), he can. We'll see what happens, I'm guessing he just comes and sits next to me at the pool until I agree to go do something with him. Either way, it's going to be so much fun!!

Family Matters

A few weeks ago, S met my first family members -- my uncle J and aunt G, who had come into town and invited me out to dinner (several months ago!). We had a fabulous time, S LOVED them and they apparently really liked them too b/c they called my Mom right away to tell her how great he was! But that was only the warm-up, because tonight he is going to meet my Mom. He told me last night that he wasn't nervous about it, but I'm not sure if that's true or not. Should he be? (One of my friends said that he's nervous FOR S, which I think is super cute.) But then he is coming home to Birmingham with me in a couple weeks for Thanksgiving and is going to meet the whole Mishpachah -- my sister, my grandparents, the cousins.

Meanwhile, I met one of his brothers, and uncle/aunt, and some cousins a couple weeks ago. I still haven't met his Dad yet (and both his Mom and my father live in South Florida, but we are hopefully going to plan a trip there soon together). I had fun with his family, and they all gave me the seal of approval. But it's very different -- I'm super close to my family. Sample conversation with my Mom: "We haven't talked in 3 days." "No, we talked on Friday." "Right, today's Sunday. So Friday, Saturday, Sunday, that's 3 days! Are you ignoring your Mother?" He isn't close with anyone in his family -- in fact, he talks to his Mom once every couple weeks, and although he's one of 6 siblings, he doesn't talk to any of them on a regular basis (I talk to my sister several times a week). But I get the feeling that he's jealous of my family, and eager to be a part of it. Rather than turned off and scared by it, which is a super plus!!

Meanwhile, I just got back from a trip to Ft. Lauderdale, where I got to spend time with my TWO sisters -- my older (and much wiser) sister, and my 2 year-old half-sister. Yup, you read that correctly. My dad has a 2 year-old, and recently married the baby's mother, so my older sister and I went down for the weekend to spend time with them. The baby is incredibly adorable, and smart (she clearly has our genes), and it was a fun weekend. Although when we took her trick-or-treating in the mall, and I was walking around with her, the kiosk people we went up to for candy thought that I was her Mom and not her sister (but oh well, wouldn't you assume the 30 year-old was the 2 year-old's Mom, too?).

So anyway, all of this is very exciting -- I think it signals how we are moving along in our relationship. My dad got to hear a lot about him while I was in Florida over the weekend and seems eager to meet him as well (and warned me that S will probably fall in love with B'ham, which does seem to be a possibility). I'm looking forward to this weekend with my Mom, I think they will get along, but looking forward to Thanksgiving even more. And then we are actually planning a vacation together in December!! So fun. :-D

Rebounding?

I had someone tell me recently that "it's not fair" that I was single for only a short time before finding S. Well, life isn't fair. Sorry. I got up, and moved on, and started dating again. And I went out on a bunch of first dates (and one weird group event), and then met S, and so far, things are happily ever after. So yeah, life sucks for people who are still single and I'm not. But you're right, it's not even been 7 months since J6 and I broke up, and I'm planning my future with someone else. I'm lucky.

I had someone else ask me if S was just a rebound guy. The answer is not at all. I think that J6 was actually my rebound guy. J5 broke my heart, and it took me a few months before I was ready to start dating again (in all honesty, I probably should have waited a little while longer, but I was ready to not be alone anymore). So I met J6, and he seemed nice, and he was willing to offer me companionship. And I settled for a lot of things that I shouldn't have settled for, in retrospect. Well hindsight is 20/20 -- and all my friends and family members apparently could see what I couldn't all along -- but he wasn't very nice or respectful to me all the time. He also didn't appreciate my career, or my family, or my political or religious views. He wanted me to choose to live where and how he wanted to live. He wanted me to put up with his crazy mom (who hated me, and thought I was the worst kind of spoiled JAP -- which I'm really not). And a lot of other things. And I put up with all of this for over 2 years. The actual decision to break-up was his, officially, b/c I had picked a deadline for a commitment that he wasn't ready to make. But within a couple days, I was fully accepting of the break-up and ready to move on. And when he showed up, begging for me to take him back, I was flabbergasted -- and the tables were turned. While standing in my apartment, asking for me back, he started telling me all the things that I should do better and differently. THAT'S how you win someone back?! I asked him what he expected, and he said he was expecting me to welcome him back with open arms. Funny, since while he was realizing how incredible I was and how stupid he was to leave, I had been realizing how incredible I was and how stupid I was to have stayed with him all that time. So I told him off, and that I didn't even want to stay friends. THAT was my rebound guy, I just wish I hadn't rebounded for 2+ years.

I couldn't have been in a healthier place when I met S. Not just for a relationship, I don't think, although it certainly helps to be fully healed from all prior relationships. I had finished my residency -- and while the board-studying was hard, it was nowhere near what residency hours were like. And I had chosen a fellowship that should, hopefully, be pointing me in the direction of a career path that I'm going to love -- and so far, I love most of what I'm doing in the fellowship itself. In addition, in the few months since J6, I had also expanded my horizons and made a lot of new friends in my community. I finally had a social life, I was going out and doing things with people other than the 6 friends I knew when I moved to NYC and the people I spent 80 hours a week with in the hospital. (People kept asking if I had just moved to the UWS, and I sometimes would answer "yes," since I basically didn't exist in this community for the 3 previous years I had lived here.) I had moved to a fabulous new apartment, and it makes a difference to come home to a place where you can turn around without bumping into yourself, and see the sky and the skyline and the trees. And I physically felt good -- headaches that I didn't know had been bothering me for some time until they went away, had gone away, and I had lost some weight that I'd gained during residency and just felt good about myself.

So S isn't, by any means, a rebound guy. He's just the right guy. :-D

Back to Real Life

The good news is that my boards are over. The bad news is that the test totally sucked, and instead of covering the material I knew really well, seemed to cover a LOT of the material I didn't know as well (endocrine, renal, electrolytes) and really stupid stuff (reducing medical errors, cultural differences, whether or not a 4 year old should be allowed to leave out PJ's for his imaginary friend!). And now I have to wait a few months for the results. But at least I don't have to study any more, and with any luck I'll never have to study for it again!!

Which means I can come back to my real life -- and back to blogging, which I've missed. Eh, real life -- I have a biostats midterm (a make-up, since the test was the same day as the boards), and a bioethics paper, both due this Monday -- and I'm call for the UES practice I cover once a month all weekend -- so I haven't really had time to recover yet. But you know what I mean. And my DVR is still hanging out around 95% full, plus I've deleted all the shows that are on-demand, which means I keep having to remind myself that I need to go watch those shows too. Sigh.

But about the boy....things are pretty amazing. Even with all the stress from my studying. It's been 2 1/2 months and I don't really know how things could be any better. He came pretty close to using the "L" word a couple weeks ago but got embarrassed, so didn't -- although when I asked him if he thought he was falling in love with me a few days later, he said "yes." He booked a flight to come home with me for Thanksgiving (and he's flying on my connecting flights instead of the direct flights he'd prefer, for the "fun and experience" of traveling with me). He got to meet some very important people in my life a few weeks ago when a close family friend got engaged and we went out to Brooklyn for the engagement party, and they loved him. And tonight he's meeting the first family members -- my aunt and uncle are in town and taking us out for dinner. This is after all my friends have judged him favorably, of course. And in 3 weeks, my Mom will be in town! This weekend I'll be meeting some of his family, also -- a family BBQ, and he's been putting his friends off until after my Boards, so that should also be around the corner.

We talk about everything. I know all his "secrets," including some not so great and wonderful things about his past that he isn't proud of, but he's working through in an honorable way. He knows all mine, including something that I never told J6 in 2+ years (it's not a bad thing, just something I never told him) -- and something else that when I told J6, he hated. S, meanwhile, couldn't have cared less about that -- he said it happened so long ago, when I was young and stupid, so who cared? We talk about our future (in a hypothetical sense), as in where we would want to live and raise children -- and how to raise children (like what kinds of schools -- public vs private -- etc), what kind of house we would want, our careers, etc. And while I was stressed and studying all the time, he was just there -- happy to order in or cook me dinner, also okay if I told him I couldn't see him b/c I needed to be alone and study, or that he could come over but I was going to sit on my couch and watch TV that night. Incredibly supportive and amazing.

So here's my question now -- when do I tell him about this blog? He's heard all the stories on it already, so that's not an issue, but he doesn't know that I've been talking about him all this time. Any thoughts??

What sorts of details?

My friend, LMG, told me she wanted more details about how good things with S are, other than me just stating that I'm in a great relationship. What kinds of details? Last week was the holiday of Succot. We both stayed in the city for the holiday, although none of our other friends did (I was on call over the weekend so needed to be here as of Friday night, and the holiday started Wednesday night and ran right into Shabbat).

So Wednesday night we ate a pre-paid dinner at a restaurant near my apartment, which was lovely and kind-of romantic. Thursday I got up and studied and then we both left early afternoon when I went to meet my board study group on the East Side, and then he met me over there that evening and we went to a dinner at a restaurant there hosted by the Chabad on the UES (where strangely I met the guy who taught me Hebrew in 3rd grade at the Jewish Day School in Alabama! But otherwise the event was full of people we wouldn't otherwise socialize with. However, a lovely walk home from York and E. 84th to Columbus and W. 97th). Friday he slept while I studied, then left after lunch but came back for Shabbos dinner. Saturday morning he left when I had to leave for the hospital (I had babies to go round on) -- and I specifically told him NOT to come over on Saturday night, since I had work to do, and TV to catch up on. Sunday morning I went to round on babies again, and had a patient to see in the office, and came home to do my biostatistics homework. We had planned to go out around 1pm, but I was still working on my homework. He came over around 2:30pm but I was still working, so he watched a football game until I was done -- and then we went down to Little Italy, where there was a street festival going on. It was so fun -- ate a chocolate covered cannoli, yum! And a great dinner, and then there was a concert of some Rat Pack impersonators. But huge points b/c it was something he had researched, and it got me out of the house even when I was tired, and it was different.

And do you see what happened here? We spent 4 out of 5 nights together -- with no other people around -- and it was so fun, and easy, and relaxed, and enjoyable. There was no TV on (except for that football game on Sunday), nothing else we were doing other than being with each other. Sometimes we were talking (or families, our pasts, our dreams, our goals, whatever -- anything and everything) -- or just chatting idly. And lots of laughing. But we are just so happy together -- never bored with each other. And then again, he came over Monday night -- but he knows that on Monday nights, we order in food and watch TV b/c I have super long days on Mondays and I'm too tired to do anything else. And he gets that. Which is pretty amazing.

I'm such a bad blogger!

Life's been busy, what can I say? Although I don't take overnight call anymore, which is amazing, my job has gotten very busy. I'm supposed to spend 30% of my time doing "clinical" work -- which means seeing patients or precepting residents -- but that means another few hours a week documenting my patient encounters, filling out school forms, preparing for the hours I spend teaching, sitting in staff meetings, helping residents with journal clubs, etc, etc. Then I'm also filling in for someone who's on maternity leave for our big conversion to an electronic medical record for the inpatient units, and that takes up anywhere from 6-26 more hours of my time a week (I keep track so I can get paid for it!). On top of THAT, I started classes this week for my Master's degree (because what pediatrician doesn't need another degree?!). And oh yeah, there's this tiny thing called my pediatric boards in only 31 days (!!!). Plus I was home in Alabama for 8 days last week. Don't even ask me when I'm actually getting any WORK done for what is supposed to be a RESEARCH fellowship.

If those things weren't enough to keep a gal busy, there's this tiny thing of having a wonderful new boyfriend with whom I wish I could spend all of my free time. Because -- let's face it -- the two of us could seriously spend hours upon hours together and be perfectly happy. We can just sit and talk, or hang out, or whatever. It's so great. Even when I was home and we would talk on the phone, we would actually TALK -- it's still well over an hour most nights when we don't see each other -- and it's not just "how was your day" kind of a thing. When I got back in town on Monday, I had classes until after 7pm and he was waiting for me in front my apartment building and came running up to see me -- and neither of us could stop smiling. Last night I was SOOOO exhausted from a long week (and not sleeping well for a few nights), so he cooked me dinner and I basically fell asleep on his lap on my couch watching bad TV. And he was fine with that as well. We've talked about the fact that things are kinda moving quickly -- and that while neither of us would usually go for that, we are both okay with it because if feels right. But we aren't rushing things by any means, just letting things move naturally.

I can't really describe to you how amazing I feel now compared to how I felt a year ago. Last year on Rosh Hashanah, I was with J6 -- at his house, with his Mom who hated my guts, and I knew I was unhappy with the situation but I kept trying to make it better. This year I was home with my family, which was great (I hadn't been home for R"H since the year of Hurricane Katrina). I'm in a great job, and I physically feel really good. I'm also very happy, and comfortable, and in a relationship with someone who make me feel so good about myself. I want to see him and talk to him and spend more time with him -- and get to know him, and his friends and his family, and everything like that.

So now that I hopefully won't have any entertaining dating stories to tell, what else would y'all like to hear about? I'll try to be a little better about blogging than I have been the past few weeks, but give me some suggestions. :-D

Where things stand

So in case you couldn't tell, things with S have been going really well. Spending time with him is so easy -- our conversations just flow, and we seem able to talk about anything (from our families, to funny childhood stories, to politics, to what we thought about the ending of "Inception," to our days at work, to how we feel about disciplining children -- seriously!). He is always making me smile, and laugh, and I'm very relaxed around him. And yes, there's certainly chemistry as well. I find myself incredibly honest with him, which is amazingly refreshing. And he's clearly sensitive to what makes me happy, and trying to figure out what makes me tick, and pays attention to everything that I say. It's just so nice to be around him.

The other night he asked if he could call me his girlfriend. And I told him that he could say whatever he wanted, but that it might take me some time to use the term "boyfriend" -- just because it might take me some time. So that while I'm not going to date anyone else, not to be surprised if he only hears me call him "the guy that I'm dating" or something along those lines. And he was fine with that. That was the end of the conversation. He's certainly not the pushy type, that's for sure!

He came over last night to cook me dinner (he cooked fish, I cooked the vegetables, and we both did the dishes together). He even remembered that I had broken a bottle of wine the other day and so brought over another bottle to drink with dinner -- what guy remembers things like that? He hasn't had a chance to meet any of my friends yet, and will be out of town this weekend (when I'm hosting an Emmy-watching party), but I'm hoping there will be a chance at some point in the near future. :-D

Here are some other things that I've found amusing or annoying over the past few days and upon which you may wish to comment:

-- If you want to suspend your profile on frumster, the options for the reason why are "engaged to someone I met through frumster," "engaged to someone I met not through frumster," or "other." Really? They expect you to stay on the site until you get engaged??? Why aren't the options "Dating someone I met through frumster," "dating someone met not through frumster," etc??! Why did I have to type that into the "other" field?? If someone stays an active member on the site until the moment they get engaged, I have a MAJOR problem with that person!!!

-- Someone at a meal I attended last week heard that someone else had gotten engaged (actually, she heard wrong, and it was someone else who had gotten engaged, but that's beside the point). That person then said, "Oh, how nice, she really deserves it, she's been on the west side for so long!" Okay, so this girl has been a single girl on the UWS for a long time, so SHE deserves to be engaged? Meaning that those of us who haven't been living on the UWS for as long as she has don't deserve to get engaged? What makes one person DESERVE to be engaged more than someone else? Don't we ALL deserve to find our Bashert and get engaged and be happy, etc, etc, etc?? I was seriously annoyed by that response. (And, btw, it was said by a single girl on the UWS.)

Bumping into J6

So I haven't responded to some earlier comments asking more about J6 and why I stayed with him as long as I did if he treated me so poorly. Namely, I think, it's because I didn't realize it. My friends did -- and they tell me that they tried to tell me during the relationship but that I just defended him. I was comfortable with him, too, and I guess there's a part of me that didn't want to be alone.

When we met, the first date was okay. He was easy to talk to, and I didn't have a reason to NOT go out with him on a 2nd date. So I did. And then I went out with him on a 3rd date. I wasn't super excited about him, but I never had a reason to NOT go out with him again. And eventually we had been dating for a few months, and he wanted a commitment from me, so I gave him one. And then it was six months, and then a year, and at 18 months we started looking at rings. But then we didn't get engaged, and still didn't get engaged, and eventually I gave him a deadline and he didn't meet it so we broke up.

Within a few days of the break-up, I realized how relieved I was to not be with him. And how relieved my friends and family were as well! I felt free, and happy. I was sad to be alone, but not sad to be without him. He actually showed up, begging for me back, and then started telling me all the things I could do to improve my relationship with his mother and to make things better with him and stuff and I was like "really? that's how you are going to win me back?" I've never been so glad to have someone out of my life. He asked if I thought there would ever be a chance of us getting back together and I said "No," and when he asked if we could be friends I said "No." I didn't want him around. I had already realized -- and yes, the realizations go on and on, 6 months later -- how poorly he had actually been treating me for all that time. And it was REALLY poorly!!

This past Saturday I spent most of Shabbos afternoon in the park. I was leaving, walking out with some friends, and went over to talk so some other friends who were sitting on a park bench. Standing near the end of the bench were two guys whom I didn't recognize -- and it took me a couple minutes to realize that one of them was J6. He had shaved his goatee (and looks about 15 years old) and was wearing shorts and a polo. Now understand that we'd been to the beach a couple times to visit my family and he never owned shorts, nor would he ever dress down on Shabbos, so it was weird to see him like that. He smiled and said "Hi," so I nodded at him. I stood and talked to my friends for a couple minutes (not talking to him or the girl they were standing next to), but then I decided I didn't even want to be around him so we just left. I didn't say good-bye or acknowledge him again at all.

It was weird to see him -- we haven't been in contact at all -- but weirder to see him on the UWS for Shabbos, with someone I didn't know, and dressed in such a different way when I had asked him so many times to be more casual on Shabbos afternoons and go to the park with me. But I was proud of myself for just walking away and not letting him engage me at all.

I'm kind of expecting him to try to contact me sometime before Yom Kippur (when it's traditional for Jews to ask people whom they've hurt in some way during the previous year for forgiveness). It's funny b/c I've only recently realized how much he had hurt me, but I have completely healed from him and I don't harbor any ill feelings toward him. If he's trying to improve himself and his life, that's good for him. I just don't want him involved in my life at all. I don't want him to be in my community or around my friends -- they are MY friends, and they all know what a jerk he was. Does that make sense?

When you ASSUME, you just make an ASS out of yourself

So to fill you in, I met R before I met S. First we had texted -- and he seemed very fun and smart and I was kinda excited to meet him. We went out for coffee/dessert 2 weeks ago on a Monday night and I had a very nice time with him. I wasn't sure if there was chemistry or not but I was more than willing to see him again. We both had plans the following evening and I was kinda surprised that I didn't hear from him for several days but didn't think too much of it. On Wednesday night I had my first date with S -- and he actually called me the next day to ask me out again. The day after that -- Friday -- I saw that R had actually sent me a text message on Wednesday but I didn't receive it til Friday. It was a one line message asking how the play was that I had seen Tuesday night (he did not specifically ask me out again or anything
like that). I did text him back on Friday and said that I had plans all weekend, which was true -- I went to the Jersey shore with friends on Sunday and got back quite late on Sunday night, and that we'd be in touch.

He texted me again on Sunday and I told him that I had plans Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights of this past week. All this was, again, true. Monday I had the 2nd date with S, Tuesday night I had a movie night with work colleagues and Wed. night was a book club meeting. I asked if R was free on Thursday night and he said he had to work late. Again, this was all via text. He never called to talk on the phone, and I never got his actual email address. After my (very fun) 2nd date with S on Monday night, he asked me out again for a 3rd date so we
made plans for Thursday since I was otherwise free. R and I said we'd talk over the weekend to try to find time early this week.

R apparently saw me out with S on Thursday night (what are the odds?). It was our 3rd date, and things were going very well, and we were holding hands. I guess he became very upset and must think that I lied to him somewhere along the line, but you'll see that I did no such thing. I met S AFTER my 1st date with R-- and it's not like we even discussed if we were seeing other people or not. S actively asked me out again, whereas R did nothing more than text me several days after we had coffee. I made plans with S AFTER R said he couldn't get together that night.

So yesterday, R sent me several fairly rude text messages. I deleted them so can't copy them verbatim, but it went something like this:

"Just checking that was you in Rockefeller Plaza train station Thursday night." (Sunday @ 10am)
"Yeah, it was, where were you?" (Me, many hours later, when I finally decided how to respond to his passive-agressiveness)
"Leaving work, u were holding hands with some dude, was that movies with colleagues or bookclub?"
"You were busy so I made alternate plans for the night."
"Well at the very least it's given me a good dinner story" (there was something else really rude that he said with this text but now I can't remember it -- he basically was calling me a slut, I think)
"Seriously? After one coffee date? I wasn't sure we were a good match but I thought you were nice and I was going to suggest a friend for you. Now, not so much. Good luck to you."
"I have a lot of things I'd like to say but going to take the high road here."

I stopped responding at that point. HE's going to take the high road? From where? What does he think I did wrong here?? We went out ONCE, 2 weeks ago, for coffee and cheesecake. We haven't even spoken on the phone, or planned a 2nd date. Is he out shopping for rings or something? Did I tell him I wasn't seeing other guys? Aren't we both on a dating website that allows us to have 3 open matches at a time? So can't you fairly assume that the other person might have 3 open matches at any given time?

Okay, I'm done ranting. During this text conversation, he went on the SYAS website and closed our match. Which I found fairly humorous. And no, I won't be suggesting that friend for him anymore. I did e-mail my matchmaker the entire story this morning, and I told her she should feel free to forward the email to him if she felt like he deserved more of an explanation but that it didn't matter to me.

Any thoughts? Anyone want to stand up for R's side of this?

Going Out on Proper Dates

NYC has many really nice kosher restaurants. It also has many mediocre kosher restaurants. I usually go to (or order delivery from) the latter. They are more affordable, and you can get a burger, or a chicken sandwich, or chinese food. I have been to the nice places very few times. In fact, I've been to each one once. With my Mom, when she's been in town (Thanks, Mom!), or when we've visited NYC before I moved here.

Now you may have noticed that I dated J#6 for over 2 years. He never once took me a nice Kosher restaurant. Not for our 1st anniversary. Not for my 30th birthday. Not for our 2nd anniversary. I took him to one of the NICER, but still on the cheaper side, places for his birthday. He took me the same place 6 months later for my birthday (but then nowhere special for the following, 30th, b'day). He did take me to a few kosher places in NJ when we first started dating -- he had a car, and lived there -- but the nicest one was a dairy pasta place. And one was barbeque, which was a treat, but nothing fancy. I never once dressed nicer than jeans. My Mom took us BOTH to a super fancy kosher place when she was in town once -- when a visiting chef was there (he had won Top Chef). It was amazing. But for the most part, we ordered chinese, or burgers. We very rarely even went out to those restaurants, it was mostly delivery to my apartment.

Tonight is my 3rd date with S. He's taking me to one of these fancy Kosher restaurants. And I am not going to be wearing jeans. Now you should know that he's NOT rich. In fact, he just quit his regular job to open up his own law office to help the under-served. So he doesn't even have a regular paycheck right now! But apparently he actually knows how to take someone out on proper dates, and treat them well, and all those things that J6 didn't know. And I have to say, I'm really excited!!

And, by the way, this is after we spoke on the phone for over an hour last night. The girl who hates talking on the phone spent that long speaking to a guy, and only hung up b/c it was midnight and she had to go to sleep. :-)