So to fill you in, I met R before I met S. First we had texted -- and he seemed very fun and smart and I was kinda excited to meet him. We went out for coffee/dessert 2 weeks ago on a Monday night and I had a very nice time with him. I wasn't sure if there was chemistry or not but I was more than willing to see him again. We both had plans the following evening and I was kinda surprised that I didn't hear from him for several days but didn't think too much of it. On Wednesday night I had my first date with S -- and he actually called me the next day to ask me out again. The day after that -- Friday -- I saw that R had actually sent me a text message on Wednesday but I didn't receive it til Friday. It was a one line message asking how the play was that I had seen Tuesday night (he did not specifically ask me out again or anything
like that). I did text him back on Friday and said that I had plans all weekend, which was true -- I went to the Jersey shore with friends on Sunday and got back quite late on Sunday night, and that we'd be in touch.
He texted me again on Sunday and I told him that I had plans Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights of this past week. All this was, again, true. Monday I had the 2nd date with S, Tuesday night I had a movie night with work colleagues and Wed. night was a book club meeting. I asked if R was free on Thursday night and he said he had to work late. Again, this was all via text. He never called to talk on the phone, and I never got his actual email address. After my (very fun) 2nd date with S on Monday night, he asked me out again for a 3rd date so we
made plans for Thursday since I was otherwise free. R and I said we'd talk over the weekend to try to find time early this week.
R apparently saw me out with S on Thursday night (what are the odds?). It was our 3rd date, and things were going very well, and we were holding hands. I guess he became very upset and must think that I lied to him somewhere along the line, but you'll see that I did no such thing. I met S AFTER my 1st date with R-- and it's not like we even discussed if we were seeing other people or not. S actively asked me out again, whereas R did nothing more than text me several days after we had coffee. I made plans with S AFTER R said he couldn't get together that night.
So yesterday, R sent me several fairly rude text messages. I deleted them so can't copy them verbatim, but it went something like this:
"Just checking that was you in Rockefeller Plaza train station Thursday night." (Sunday @ 10am)
"Yeah, it was, where were you?" (Me, many hours later, when I finally decided how to respond to his passive-agressiveness)
"Leaving work, u were holding hands with some dude, was that movies with colleagues or bookclub?"
"You were busy so I made alternate plans for the night."
"Well at the very least it's given me a good dinner story" (there was something else really rude that he said with this text but now I can't remember it -- he basically was calling me a slut, I think)
"Seriously? After one coffee date? I wasn't sure we were a good match but I thought you were nice and I was going to suggest a friend for you. Now, not so much. Good luck to you."
"I have a lot of things I'd like to say but going to take the high road here."
I stopped responding at that point. HE's going to take the high road? From where? What does he think I did wrong here?? We went out ONCE, 2 weeks ago, for coffee and cheesecake. We haven't even spoken on the phone, or planned a 2nd date. Is he out shopping for rings or something? Did I tell him I wasn't seeing other guys? Aren't we both on a dating website that allows us to have 3 open matches at a time? So can't you fairly assume that the other person might have 3 open matches at any given time?
Okay, I'm done ranting. During this text conversation, he went on the SYAS website and closed our match. Which I found fairly humorous. And no, I won't be suggesting that friend for him anymore. I did e-mail my matchmaker the entire story this morning, and I told her she should feel free to forward the email to him if she felt like he deserved more of an explanation but that it didn't matter to me.
Any thoughts? Anyone want to stand up for R's side of this?
Good for you for just moving on! Sounds like things with S are going well, so just focus on that! :-)
ReplyDeleteThat is one of the problems with texting. Short messages, not enough info and a lot of room for miscommunication. Don't date anyone else while you are seeing S.
ReplyDeleteImpossible to stand up for R. Any guy who can't pick up the phone after that amount of time to call you, instead of relying entirely on texting, can feel no "claim" or exclusivity. I give him two thumbs enthusiastically down.
ReplyDeleteTexting is stupid. Seriously, if you really like someone, just pick up the phone and call.
ReplyDeleteOne of my biggest issues with dating in the "frum" world is heaven forbid you date more than one person at the same time! Puh-lease. People jump into super-serious relationships so quickly, they get locked in, and because they've invested so much time (and perhaps money) so quickly, they force themselves to have feelings that maybe don't really exist. I know too many people who did this and either are in bad marriages or are divorced.
R is an immature idiot. As for dating other people while also seeing S, I say go for it until you and S have a conversation about how serious your relationship may be getting. Based on your blog posts, it wouldn't surprise me if you have such a conversation in less than a month's time. But until then, why limit yourself?
So glad none of you are standing up for him! I guess I can understand why he was upset -- if I had been planning on a 2nd date with a guy, and then saw him out holding hands with another girl, I probably would have blogged about it. But S also held my hand on the way home from our 1st date. AND I didn't like the way he was implying that I was out with "some dude" instead of the plans I actually had the other nights when I was busy. The entire tone of the text conversation was just so off and rude. If he really wanted to see me again, at any point, he should have called me and set up a date. Too late now. :-)
ReplyDeleteCan I please stick up for R? Wait, I can't...here's my understanding of the situation: R basically didn't make any effort. You owed him nothing, and, upon realizing that, he got upset. In essence, he was wrong in how he went about things, and was lukewarm if he didn't want to call; however, no guy wants to be 'dumped' for another guy, if that makes sense, hence the hostility.
ReplyDelete