A jolt and a buzz

Hello loyal readers. Wondering where I've been and what I've been up to? This month has been busy with birthdays....mine and S's. I had a fabulous birthday, mainly because I was surrounded by so many wonderful people. I threw myself a couple parties -- a New Year's Eve Shabbos dinner, complete with a countdown to midnight, and then a dinner and bowling party the following night (my actual birthday). A lot of my favorite people were there, and I realized that I haven't had a real birthday party -- not just dinner out with some friends -- since I turned 21. Ten years is too long between parties! It was so fun.

S made it wonderful, of course. He was kinda upset I was throwing myself a party (but I had planned this months ahead of time with a half-off coupon from "Buywithme"), but he bought me a gorgeous necklace that I wear everyday (a horseshoe shape with little diamonds), and that a couple of my friends figured I must have picked out myself. And his just being there made it fabulous, for the entirety of the celebration. And then it was his birthday, just 18 days later! I surprised him with a dinner & jazz cruise around Manhattan a few days ago, which we both loved -- our first time actually dancing together (not "club" dancing, but really dancing). I may have led some, sorry. And on the night of his birthday, we saw "American Idiot," with Billie Joe Armstrong in the cast, and had a lovely dinner. His main gift he got before our cruise -- an iPod Nano, his first iPod -- but he also got a scarf, and gloves from my Mom, and I put some portraits from our cruise into picture frames for us each to have. He was blown away and said it was the best b'day he's ever had. So we are both kinda buzzing with happiness.

And now for the jolt. Last night I came home and was chatting with some people I know in my building, then I turned around to check my mail in the (temporary during construction) mailroom and I heard a familiar voice, so I turned and saw someone on his cellphone, the profile of a familiar face -- J6. He was checking mail. In my mailroom. I did an about-face and walked as fast as I could to my elevator and hit the "close" button a gazillion times and I'm pretty certain he didn't see me.

So what was that? He's living in my building now? After telling me he'd never leave NJ, never live in the city, he moves into the city and of all places picks MY building?? Which isn't even a rental building, but they are condos and you have to rent from an owner? And it's fairly expensive, and he's a cheap bastard. Seriously, I wrote this guy OUT OF MY LIFE for a reason. He's a jerk. And I'm just so happy and healthy and better off without him even in my peripheral vision. I haven't even thought about him in months. And then JOLT -- there he is. I could run into him at any moment! Every day. And that would also mean he's also infiltrating my community -- trying to get into the UWS, which he always hated. I could see him at Shabbos dinners, or Onegs, or whatever. Gross.

And then, of course, I was upset at myself for getting upset. Because why was I letting him get to me like this? Because like I said, I'm in a much better place now. I'm in this incredible relationship with this incredible person. I have a great job, and I love my apartment. But ew, gross, now my apartment might not be at the top of the things I love anymore if it could mean seeing him. Small talk. Yuck.

I fell asleep finally last night and had pleasant dreams, actually, until the snowplows woke me up at 5:30am. I thought I wouldn't fall back asleep but apparently I did, because then I had a dream that I ran into him in the parking lot (in my dream it was a covered parking lot), and I was with a friend, and he saw us and then HE was the one running away because he didn't want me to know he was living there. That would be a better situation. But I was so careful to make sure he didn't know where I was moving. He was basically stalking me at the end, when he was trying to win me back. I didn't want him to have access to me.

I could totally face him. I'm not worried about that. Seeing him once would be no big deal. Fine. But seeing him all the time? What would you do if suddenly your ex moved in downstairs? Shudder shudder. I'm seriously hoping I'm wrong and it was just his doppelganger. Please, please.